Secretly Married : NERD BECOMES CASANOVA

Chapter 59

Nawala ang kunot sa ulo ko habang nakatingin lang sa backyard from the balcony sa second floor.

Napapikit ako at dumilat uli. It's so relaxing to feel the cold night breeze hit me.

Everything looks so peaceful from here. The light from the moon hit the water in the pool which made some reflection on the wall. Medyo malamig lamig din ang hangin but I love it.

9:39 PM, I checked my phone.

I just got home from a sport clothing photoshoot at hindi na nagpalit. Pinatungan ko nalang ng sweatshirt ang suot kong sports bra at climacool training pants. It took us almost five hours to finish everything kaya medyo nakaramdam ako ng pagkatamad at pagod.

I sat on one of the outdoor furnitures na nasa balcony. I remained seated while stretching my neck. It feels sore dahil sa pangangalay sa mga ginawa ko kanina.

Hindi na ren ako dumiretso sa condo ni Xavier. I just don't want to spend the night there. I don't know why but.. Parang kasing, mas gusto kong dito nalang ako sa bahay matulog. I feel more at ease here for some reason. It grew on me even in such a short span of time. It feels more like home now na kahit mag isa lang ako sa bahay ay walang kaso sakin. It feels like my safe haven, far from the work that I do and far from being disturbed by other people. 

I stared at the distance before a thought hit me.

Hindi nga talaga umuwi si Xavier. Which makes me wonder if he's with that girl, Amber?

Napakunot lang uli ang noo ko. The mere thought of them together makes me feel uneasy.

I should've expected this right? Yung ganito ang gawin ni Xavier. I should've expected it because he didn't want anyone to know he's married-- para patuloy pa rin yung buhay niya as a so called "bachelor".

I heaved out a sigh.

Pakiramdam ko tuloy ay dagdag pasan at abala lang ako sa kanya. But I shouldn't feel that way right? Wala naman kaming kahit ano para sa isa't isa. The only thing keeping us together is that piece of paper stating that we're married and the salvation of my family's company. Yun lang. 

Our lives aren't any different from what they were before we became marries. Our statuses are the only thing that changed. 

Pero kakaiba talaga kasi eh. I know I shouldn't feel this way. I shouldn't act like a bothered wife because I don't hold any significant, important, valuable role in his life. I might be his wife and he might be my husband but there's nothing more to those titles we were given.

Hindi talaga pwede. And look, silang dalawa 'tong magkasama at hindi kaming dalawa. I-- I shouldn't feel anything for him. I should feel normal pero-- Ugh! Stephanie naman eh!

Parang akong sirang plaka na paulit ulit lang ang iniisip at sinasabi sa isipan but in different ways ko sinasabi. Nakakatanga!

I sighed again and looked up in the night sky.

I just-- I just can't imagine what they might probably be doing right now. If they're having fun with each other's company or if they're creating the best moments of their lives together.

I shook my head.

No. I shouldn't care. I shouldn't even bother. Sa papel lang kami kasal ni Xavier. There shouldn't be any feelings attached between us! Ilang ulit ko pa ba yang sasabihin sa sarili ko? Wala dapat.