Serendipity (Book 2)

So Shame On Me Now by PrincessRotation

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so shame on me now by PrincessRotation

TV » iCarly
Rated: K
Language: English
Genre: Romance & Hurt/Comfort
Characters: Freddie B., Sam P.
Words: 3,521
Published: Dec 16, 2012

I M P O R T A N T
This book has reached its limit (200 parts). I will continue it in Serendipity (Book 3) which is already posted in my profile.

N O T E
Make sure to read this one first before reading Book 3.

***

and i realize the blame is on me
cause i knew you were trouble when you walked in
so shame on me now

x

Their story was never really that romantic. It was more kind of twisted, but Sam's never really been into rom-coms, so that's okay, she thinks. She can take the world on all by herself with her head held high and she doesn't need anyone else. She lies in her big double bed at home alone and sometimes okay, sometimes she'll look at the empty spot next to her for a little too long, but it doesn't mean anything. She always goes back to lazily channel surfing and she never imagines his arms around her waist and her head on his chest.

x

It had always been the same story. He liked Carly. Carly liked other guys. Sam was left to awkwardly remind herself that she didn't like or need anyone because Puckett's didn't need a man to define them (something she'd stubbornly decided after seeing the constant trash her mother brought home). But lately she looks at him and feels like she's going to puke and she's terrified because it's not out of hatred these days. She feels like she should burst into flames any moment because God knows she's going against everything she's ever stood for but at least she's fighting. She won't let him win so easily, the boy doesn't even know he's playing for God's sake.

She tries hating him. A small part of her still does (she can never really rid herself of the image of his young dorky self), but it's no use. It's not his fault she's in this situation. It's all of her own. He's still staring at Carly and complementing her outfit and hair and everything that Sam doesn't and never will have. Sam wants to cut her curls off or dye them brown but she can't bring herself to do it. All she has left nowadays is herself, and where would it leave her if she started lying to herself? Instead she decides to be everything he hates. Herself.

x

She thinks it's working until one cold November afternoon when he bumps into her while she's walking home from Carly's and he's walking home from the Pear store. He looks at her like he hasn't seen her in a long time, and maybe it's true and he hasn't because she's beginning to forget who she is too. He says hi so softly and quietly that she can imagine the word floating through the air into her ears and she feels like a child and so vulnerable she wants to cry. She says hi back, and she just can't bring herself to inject her usual venom into her tone. It's late, she's tired, she's fed up with being on the defense all the time. He asks her if she's okay and she responds with the usual niceties and everything's rosy and peachy until he smiles at her with such warmth that she can feel her eyes prickling and maybe she needs to go home now because he's ruining everything and she was doing so well until now.
Instead he puts a hand on her shoulder and asks with concern whether she's doing okay. Of course she's not, for the first time in months she's looking him straight in the eyes and she can't bear it. She can't bear the fact that he loves someone else when she' so impossibly in love with him. And she knows she doesn't deserve him and he's way too good and kind for her, but it's killing her from the inside out. He has such a concerned expression on his lovely, handsome face that it makes her chest ache because he doesn't love her, he just feels sorry for her, and he's such a good friend and she knew if he knew the truth he would feel terrible because he wouldn't know how to let her down. She wants to cry or shout or run or do anything but she can't, she feels like she's stuck here forever looking into his big, brown doe eyes and hating herself for not being Carly, she hates herself for being Sam with stupid curly hair and blue eyes and a horrible attitude. And it's stupid how she used to pride herself on these things because they made her who she is and now she's rethinking everything because she suddenly can see herself from his perspective. She's a background character, and he's the star of the movie. He'll get the girl and the happy ever after and God knows he deserves it, but she'll just fade into the background, and where does her plot line end? He's still looking at her and it feels like she's been standing here forever but it's only been a couple seconds.
"I'm doing fine."