Suicidal

Chapter 24: - A succour for him

(Play the piano piece now for added effect)

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CHAPTER TWENTY - FOUR;

A SUCCOUR, FOR HIM -

It was 4 am, I could hear the rain pouring down my window, and I realised that I wasn't crying alone. I could feel the cold making its way into my body and taking over. It was 4 am and my mind was filled with noxious thoughts, the thoughts that I'd tried so hard to get out, along with the sadness that never leaves. It was 4 am and nobody was there. Nobody listened, and nobody understood. It was 4 am and I was alone.

I tried my best to get some sleep, but the thoughts of angst and dread of school the next day kept on waking me up. Perhaps I was losing my purity, myself even. But I knew, that when I'd walk into school the next following day, there'd be students harassing me from every corner and turn. I knew that I couldn't escape from all their questions and demands.

Because of him, my lights were turning off.

But morning sure did come along, but that time, the sunshine didn't seem to fill my room and heal everything. It didn't seem to fix me or mend what a tragic mess I'd become. Because I was beginning to lose myself, and when you lose yourself, it's fairly likely that you'll never gain yourself back again.

"Sweetie, c'mon you have to get up. I know that boy hurt you, but you can't spend your days locked away from society inside your bedroom. Go to school today, you'll feel much better." My mother came into my bedroom, patting my shoulder as if I was a sick patient.

Was she right? Would I get better? Would I stop being the same emotional wreck as every other grieving person? How would lunch play out? Would I just sit there, on my bench alone? Without Lucas strumming his acoustic guitar next to me?

"Okay mum, okay I-I get it. I'll g-go to school." I struggled to say.

She smiled, and it seemed like that very warm smile was the only happiness that existed in my life back then. Quincy hadn't talked to me since that fateful night, which was two weeks ago. I didn't know why, was he avoiding me? Probably, I mean no one wants to talk to a person who moans and weeps over a boy continuously.

I managed to undress myself and put on my school clothes. Though my heart was so empty, that I lacked the effort to do my hair nicely. I didn't care what anyone thought of me, I didn't care about anyone anymore, because the only importance in my life was him, and now he was gone.

I should've had something to eat before leaving, but I decided against it. If felt like I'd lost my appetite, and when I last checked on the scales, they'd decreased almost by one stone. What was happening to me?

Grief Lara, sadness, my conscience whispered to me.

Before I left, I turned around and took one more final look at my bedroom, because I knew that day was going to be one of my hardest days ever, and to get through it, I would've needed the image of my escape, my freedom in my head.

I ran a finger over a picture on my wall, a picture of me and Lucas on a wet day with his skateboard. It was nearby a local park, but what made it special was that it was only us there. It was only our love there. And I was surprised that I hadn't taken the photograph off my wall in all honesty, but maybe I couldn't take the picture down, because maybe you can't run away from the past, maybe you simply can't forget about your scars and move on.