CHAPTER EIGHTEEN;
A SCAR FROM THE PAST -
Last night was painful, not being allowed out of my room was an urge in which I had to avoid. It was like a spider crawling up my back, a one where I couldn't scratch it off. Collin just acted like a lunatic, running around the white walls with his white vans. I wish I was there to witness it.
Meanwhile, I was stuck on my phone, surfing the web. There wasn't much to do on a phone, - apart from social media - to which I didn't have much off. Apart from that, my melancholic night mostly consisted of lying down on my bed, with an endless stream of questions swirling inside of me.
Was it worth it, sneaking out with Lucas?
Was he worth it?
Am I worth it?
I was dangerously becoming close to Lucas, I knew that I was treading on cracky surfaces with no means of protection. The inches and barriers between us were decreasing, and I kept on dismissing the feeling of ignorance. I knew that our time would eventually run out, but I wasn't sure when. All I knew, was that if I kept on getting closer, I'd soon discover the real Lucas Grimshaw. Who he really was.
He was mischievous, with tricks constantly up his sleeve. But at the same time, he was benevolent. He meant no harm - I could tell that. Even if he'd hurt me, deep down inside of my heart I knew it'd be an accident. I knew he wouldn't necessarily mean it.
Lucas Grimshaw was a puzzle, a maze that I'd desperately ventured myself into. There was something he was hiding, whether it was my business or not, there was a deep dark secret hidden right at the centre of his maze. A secret, that I could no longer resist, a secret to which I wanted into, a secret in which I pestered myself to find out.
Whatever it would take, I would find out.
***
The next morning, I fulfilled my promise to Diana.
London's atmosphere was foggy and gloomy, with a certain stench that to a degree, I felt like throwing up. The only thing which was retaining me from doing so, was the slight glimmer of sunshine, that'd appeared out of the corner of my eye. It was as if every time I looked up at it, (not directly) that it would heal me, usher all my problems away.
It was a bit Like Lucas, whilst I spent my time with him, every second and inch seemed meaningful. My problems would evaporate, into thin, clear and clean air. He was my catalyst of convalescent. He was my sign of vigour.
He was my sign of everything.
He had the kind of eyes where you could picture a universe, endless possibilities deepening with oceans of blue. God you could get lost in those eyes of his, and I wasn't sure it I wanted a way out.
He had everything that I needed.
While I was dwelling on my aposiopesis, I hardly noticed Diana approach my side. I hardly noticed until that moment, that we were both sat at King's Cross Station, staring deeply at the spiral in front of us.
"It's big, isn't it?" Diana asked, breaking the silence.
"King's cross is a bit too big in my opinion. It scares me in a way."
YOU ARE READING
Suicidal
Jugendliteratur"Our image of love is based on books and films, basically fiction. That we accept more than to be expected. So how do we know what love is? For all we know, love could be another word for pain. " When two innocent boys come into Lara's life, they co...
