Suicidal

Chapter 6: - Problems and errors

"While people tend to take the path that seems the most obvious and easiest, they fail to see what comes in the future. Things are often different than what they seem. Often in life, you'll find your way where you least expect it to be."

Extract from "The Fiery Breath"

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CHAPTER SIX;

PROBLEMS AND ERROS -

I knocked on the infernal door to the principal's office, on the hard solid oak. Worrying had always got the best of me in these kind of situations, and worrying was an understatement.  I was so nervous that I became afraid I'd drop to the floor.  Peering at my watch, I noticed that the time was five - to twelve, which left plenty of time before lunch. I was hoping I wouldn't be in there for long.

"Come in." I heard a briskly voice say.

So I entered, and immediately the smell of perfume attacked me, knocking out all my senses and leaving me dazzled for the slightest second. 

"I know, sorry about that darling, I left my air spray at home. And I couldn't bare the horrible stench - like -smell any longer. "

The principal was wearing a painted turquoise suit, like she does everyday.  Sunshine came flooding through the glass speckle of the window, and shined up her bleach - blonde hair.  I wasn't jealous of her hair, I'm fine with mine being a light brown, but I was jealous of how the sun shone on her.

I tried my best to let out a chuckle at the principal's remark, but nothing came out. Instead, I nodded and silently moved over to the chair. It was a green leather one, reminding me of a therapist's office.  Although, I've never actually been to a therapist - or had any kind of therapy.

Count me lucky.

"Ah good, you've taken a seat." Mrs Fisher (yep, the principal) said.  "Now onto the topic at hand."  She paused.  "I've heard of your recent melancholic tragedy, and decided that it'll be best to talk about it. I'm extremely sorry to hear the news Lara, but this is an important year for you, and we can't let any distractions drift us away from your exams. Do you understand?" She said, frowning in my direction.

"Y-yes I......I understand." I managed to get out.

"Good. You're a bright young girl, and you've got your future ahead of you! Speaking of the future, do you have any plans for an occupation? 6th form? Studying at university? Abroad?" Mrs Fisher asked.

Unfortunately, I have no current plans for my future. Not a single clue. But I couldn't say that to the principal, otherwise it'd lower her impression of me. I was confused, bewildered even. So, I'd have to make something up.....

"I want to travel when I'm older....but that doesn't exactly count as an occupation.....then again, I was thinking more of an artist? A painter perhaps?"

Mrs Fisher looked shocked at my answer - shocked in a good way though. I wondered if she was disappointed, or expected more of me....

Until she finally replied.

"How interesting. Very interesting Lara. How will you go to achieve this?"

"Well, I'll study very hard. Very hard Mrs Fisher. I won't pretend that'll be easy - because it won't. I'll just try my hardest I guess."

Yet again, The principal took a moment to let my answer sink in.

"Good. But you've got to believe in yourself, and something's telling me that you're not. Why could this be?"

She was right. I wasn't believing in myself, the departure of grandma had left me shaken. It knocked all my confidence out of the window, and now I'm left to find it again. Left to resolve my own puzzle.

"E-Every time I want to let out my feelings, it always seems like it's not the right time. So I just bury them deep inside, hoping for a chance to do so. But after a long time, they come back to me, and haunt me in my sleep."

"It seems to me, that you have left me speechless Miss Mendes..........

...... And the only offer I can give, is therapy. Maybe you should consider this option Miss Mendes."

I was shocked, more shocked than I've ever been before, mainly because the idea of "therapy" always made me shudder, not just because you confess your sins and ever - so - dark - secrets to some qualified listener, but because the therapist was either (1) an overweight sadistic nobody who gets paid to sit high in their leather chair and offer useless advice, but (2) they generally were stuck - up people who are overpaid and not so charming in any way, then (3) they refer to themselves with a "high intellectual ability" yet they are complexly boring and tiring.

The silence proceeded amid our conversation, and it got to the point that I was ready to leave on the note of therapy. Wishing I wasn't even in this very room, I checked my watch - only to find that it stated: 12:10. Damn. I hoped to leave earlier, but then again.....no one ever leaves Mrs Fisher early.

"I'll expect you to take your leave now, have a nice day Miss Mendes...."

I nodded, hoping silence was a valid option to Mrs Fisher. Then, I took my leave, out into the blue corridor filled with over - the - blue students wearing blue jumpers, paddling by the blue  lockers and looking out at the blue sky.

Everything all of a sudden seemed to turn blue as I left the principal's office.

I was casually walking across the corridors, to the canteen while taking in all the blue scenery, when Lucas had stumbled across my way. "Hey, you ok?" He had asked. I wasn't as nervous to answer him, as I was nervous to answer Mrs Fisher. "Yes I'm fine, you?"

"Oh yes I'm doing good and all, just a little chill."

We started to increase our walking speed, until our shoulders were touching. Well rather nudging - but it's the thought that matters.

"Where you headin'?" Lucas persisted go ask me.

"Just the library, I tend to avoid people and society these days. You wanna come?" I asked.

I'm not sure if that was a mistake.

I wasn't sure either, if I felt differently to Lucas now than I did before. He was just so caring to me this morning, when I needed it most. And whether to say I liked him, was a question that needed to be answered. After all, I couldn't just let a stranger walk into my life and ruin it....or even ruin me...

But I had to give him a chance.

"Yes....I'd like that, a lot." Lucas said.

"C'mon then, let's go."

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Ohhhhh I feel rather good about this chapter.

I was also editing it with Saint Cecilia playing in my ears.

Alongside This Is Gospel.

IF YOU LOVE ME LET ME GOOOOOO

I'm sorry, I should stop now :)

Seeya when I can!

Stay classy!