Suicidal

Chapter 4: - The journey.

CHAPTER FOUR;

THE JOURNEY -

I humbled downstairs, to taste the delicious void of breakfast. Milk and cereal is always the way to go on Monday mornings, especially when you know that the week ahead of you will be like climbing everest.

Climbing the inevitable.

I caught the eyes of my stepfather, lean and mean. He was a short, sinewy and sunburnt man, with too many muscles packed into his small frame. I was often jealous at sometimes even, jealous of the amount of muscle that toned and traced his shoulders and chest. I had wished I had that much muscle in me.

"Quit looking at me boy! Go hit the gym if you're envied on my guns!"  He shouted towards me, did he read my mind? How did he know I was jealous of his muscles?

"Jim, I'm only sixteen- I can't 'hit the gym'." I mimicked, hoping that this mimic wouldn't lead to violence.

"Call me your farther, from now on. You address me properly!"

"But you're not.......not my real dad..."

By then it was too late.

Before I could get my shit together and react, Jim came pondering across the small kitchen, with his clenched fists ready to strike.  The thing was, he didn't actually strike - he just pointed at me, with an ease of hostility. I noticed his pointed finger, inches away from my pale face.  It was all too much to bare on a Monday morning.

"IF YOU DON'T STOP GIVING ME THAT ATTITUDE," he threatened, "THEN I WILL TAKE MY DUTY AND DISCIPLINE YOU! DO YOU UNDERSTAND YOU RECKLESS CHILD?"

My stepfather kept his voice devoid of emotion.

It amazed me, that I was surprisingly keeping calm in this situation, normally, I'd be boiling up at this point - but he didn't scare me. It also amazed me, that he raised his voice and got a little too furious in a short time of space.  All I stated was that he wasn't related to me at all.

But knowing Jim, I wasn't surprised by his actions.

I was also surprised that social services had filled out a report from their observations on us. They'd said that "I needed a new guardian", this one was too corrupt and focused on his own problems - perhaps he too was made by satan. And yet I wasn't sure of agreeing with their statement that his constant nagging and negative attitude was a simple yet effective form of 'abuse' upon me, but I guess whatever floats your boat.

But one day, I knew that he'd send me over the edge.....and I'd have to deal with him.

"Okay, y-yes.....I understand."

I pretended to be frightened, to a certain degree that he wouldn't take it upon himself to threaten me any longer. But in reality......I wasn't scared of him. He didn't frighten me. His terror barked like a vicious dog, but I remained calm. And with that, Jim proceeded off, presumably in the opposite direction, so he wouldn't have to face me. Hmm, what a fa**, I thought, and almost close to saying.

I rushed off upstairs, hoping that our brief encounter wouldn't delay me from arriving to school on time. But the interesting thing was, I didn't want to arrive at school on time, because (1) I'd have to sit through the dreaded and dull form time, yet (2) the coldness was bitter when we'd all have to wait outside, and (3) I've always liked to take my time while walking through London, taking in all the glorious sites in admiration.

Oh boy, I am one lucky sod.

Speaking about London - yes my school is located in London. Specifically on the west side, but not too far near the border. 'Etwoah Upper School' has always been considered a 'glorious' and 'jubilant' academy for the special arts. But in truth, my school was simply the under - layer of that,  it was typically like every other school- nothing special. No talents, no unique facilities and no specialised subjects. It was all just melancholic. Almost like this morning.

And today, like every other, I had to make my way to it.

Speaking of which, thirty - minutes later, I'd been waking through the beautiful and splendiferous city of Westminster. I couldn't wait for the snow, the city would light up in white, pure and natural colours would corner every street you would turn, and skyscrapers would look magnificent in the crimson coloured sky.

And this was compared to the dull and wet morning of a Monday.

After rummaging round corners and moving left and right, I finally made it to school. The iron gates had always set a dooming impression upon me, as if I was in some kind of prison. Some would argue that school is prison to be fair, but I'd argue that school is actually enjoyable. That's when you have favourite lessons in your day of course.

Then after catching up with my friends, we finally took our way to form. Yet again, the class was empty, and I had my perfect time to do some late - minute meditation on what I missed last night.  Meditation has always been the biggest stress reliever I've ever known, and since year 10, I've actually grown to love doing it frequently. Of course with year 11 being a stressful year, and an important one, I needed all the meditation I could possibly get.

I breathed in and out, letting the oxygen escape from its prison, passing through my veins and my blood. The feeling of peace and tranquility boiled up inside of me, soothing my worries and concerns......

"Hey! Lucas, wake up dude! Our class is coming in!!" My neighbour who sat next to me, said aloud.

And surely he was right, my other friends and classmates poured into our classroom, like water coming out of a tap. They all had smiles and blushed cheeks attached to them, as if there was no slight problem or concern in their lives. I'd noticed my closest friends among the rabble of students, admiring and laughing at each others' mobiles.

And then Lara came in.

"Lara Mendes"

She persisted to sit down, only to find that there was no seats available for her. Her bony fingers were clutching her folders and books, like she was hanging onto clothes for dear life. Her hair had certainly gotten thinner, and smoother - judging from my perception. And the only seat was actually next to......

Me.

Lara's eyes landed on me, like a sniper's gaze. Her feet started to move, moving towards me, in my direction. It sent nerves crawling along my spine, attacking my cheeks with redness. Until she eventually reached the seat next to me, her mouth barely trembling and stuttering. She looked ill.

"I-Is this s-seat.......taken?" She mumbled, so silently that I almost misguided her as some quiet mouse. I replied saying "No, no it's not taken, you can sit here......if you want?" Then her look had changed, from a terrified expression to a more calm and relaxed tone.

"O-Okay....s-sure."

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Hey everyone!

I must admit, I'm very pleased with the ending to this chapter.

I'd also like to thank all you silent readers, who've stuck by this book!

I know it's probably not exciting at all, but trust me, it'll get better as you read on!

Seeya when I can!

Stay classy!