Outlaws Of Love (Adommy Love Story)

Thirty-Five

*Adam's POV*

I needed to clear my mind, needed to calm myself down. Get away. Go to peace. And my favorite place to do that was The Café. Some very strong caffeinated coffee and maybe some regret junk food will let me collect myself enough to talk to Tommy and explain what happened. I finally realized that there was something wrong with me, something that I had been denying for way too long. It wasn't normal to have such vivid flashbacks, and especially as frequent as I have them and how quickly they are triggered.

Something was definitely physically incorrect with the way my brain was functioning. I wanted to tell him about it first since he was the one I hurt because of it. I still can't fathom that I did... that. It seriously made me think about how screwed up I was. In reality, I don't deserve his compassion and forgiveness for what I did. But if he doesn't accept me back, I really do not have a reason to go on anymore. He was the last test and the last reason to love. I sank to the bottom once before and almost let myself go, and would have too if it wasn't for Rose finding me before air was completely depleted of my lungs.

I ignored the stinging in my arm and fixed the bandage. Black clouds began to hover above and sweep across the sky. After what felt like an eternity, I saw my destination come into my field of blurry vision. I flicked on my blinker, and as I was about to enter into the parking lot, I saw a couple at the counter, kissing. When I turned into the driveway, I sighed, thinking about just having to come back later.

Maybe I could look for Tommy? I drove past the window, getting ready to turn around. As I looked at my rearview mirror, a bullet shot through my chest and I couldn't breathe. Turns out I already found Tommy. An overwhelming feeling of defeat and unfaithfulness literally crushed all that I had left. The sad realization that I had been right about him cheating was just too much. The worst part was that he lied, made me believe that I was wrong in accusing him while he was actually doing it. Every time their lips would meet, it was like he would stab a knife in my heart and drag it down painfully slow, leaving gashes to be empty forever.

I wanted to tear my eyes, rip the agonizing image from my mind, but I was so paralyzed with shock that I couldn't force my body to turn away, no matter how painful it was. It felt like an eternity of betrayal before I could make out his tear streaked face pull away. Allyson was in a dazed state, with her eyes swirling with leaves of concern. She swept a look over Tommy's face before all of the color drained out, going stiff with fear. She noticed me and stared. Tommy followed her gaze and as soon as his eyes locked with mine, I was out of there. I felt vacant, misused like an old abandoned house. I sped down the asphalt, burning rubber and marking the ground.

I didn't know where I was going except that it away from there. I don't remember where I had turned or which street I was on—everything was one bit heartbreak moment. Putting the pedal to the metal, I zoomed in the car, knocking wind around in strong currents around the vehicle. A deafening crack of lightning lit up the sky in indescribable electric blue power. Shit! I jumped and accidentally hit the gas harder. As I was trying to slow down, the brakes locked and the car started to swerve. I felt the remains of my heart jump into my throat with panic. Somehow I managed to steer it far enough down the road so that when it finally hit the barricade it wasn't enough to break through like it would have if it didn't slow down.

Opening my eyes as everything calmed down, I lifted my head up and looked around blankly. A few things were scattered in the car and the hood of the car was dented in from the right to the middle, along with the driver's seat door. I groaned as I thought about my mom and dad. They were going to kill me when I got home for crashing again. Another thing to worry about it looks like. That is...if I make it home.

 I felt numb exiting the crumbled vehicle, like a walking icicle— no feelings, no use. I dragged my near lifeless body down the dark road as bullets of rain pelted me with cold shivers. Within the time that it took me to reach the bridge's edge, I decided fate for myself. The only thing I ever wanted just ripped out my heart and stomped on it. I mean I couldn't even cry at this point anymore. It just wasn't worth it. Everything I toiled on was just a waste of time. Why put more into something that I know won't work? Why breathe if the air is suffocating me? Why live if there isn't anything to live for?