Outlaws Of Love (Adommy Love Story)

Ten

*Adam's POV*

Everything, I mean EVERYTHING, Tommy says or does is played and replayed over and over in my mind. I can honestly say I don't know why. I don't know why every time he speaks my ears have to listen, I don't know why every time I look at him my stomach flips, I don't know why every time he smiles I smile back with him, I don't know why every time his eyes meet mine I melt in my place. I just can't explain it. Simply indescribable brilliance. I think I might fall hard for this guy.

That's what I'm scared of.

I mean, I know my parents are supportive and love me for who I am, but... I always seem to screw things up. I'm never good enough for myself, let alone my boyfriends. I just get so stupid whit what I do! I'm rushing into things, I'm going to slow. I get to clingy, I don't come around enough. Everything turns out wrong. I can't ever tell if the person is wrong for me or if it's me. I think it's me... I KNOW it's me. All of those guys were great. And what do you think my parents say?

'It's not you, it's him.' and, 'You are better off without them.' or sometimes, 'You don't need him.' and the worst, 'He's not good enough for you.'

I know that they don't mean to hurt me when they say those thing but they do. I know I always do something wrong, I am not better off alone, I need someone, and it seems like nobody is "good enough" for me.

My parents and most of the people only know the 'me' that I show them, but it's not really me at all; it is just what they want me to be. I feel bad for basically hating my life when I have it a lot better than most people (and better than a LOT more gays), but I can't help it. I'm just a useless screw up in the world.

When I am with Tommy though, I'm not a useless screw up and I'm not nothing. I mean something; I am a part of something bigger than words. I don't know why, but I am finally ME with him. But I have no idea how the real me is and it might not be what Tommy wants.

I need someone to love, need someone to love me for ME, and I need to know that there is one perfect person out there that is supposed to be with me forever.

I think I found that someone. And I'm scared to death.