<<brOKen>> a.i.

Chapter 22.

I hug him back. I'm lucky to have Jamie, obviously. Every other guy would've told me yes, but that that's not bad and then they would've told me that they like me that way.

"Is that a yes?"

I can feel Jamie take a breath. I don't want to hear his answer because I kind of already know it.

He pulls away from me and looks me in the eyes. "Gemma I..."

"You what?"

"I don't know what to say. From what you've told me and if I was Ashton... I'd consider you a slut, probably. He's too nice to get that. seems to like that. For your other..  friends.. I'd say they're the ones who made younthe way you are. And you seem like the least sluttiest out of all your friends."

My eyes start to burn from the tears forming in them when I think about everything. I look away from Jamie. 

"I'm sorry Gemma... I thought being honest with you was the best."

I nod and look at him again. That's when a tear escapes my right eye, leaving a burning trail behind.

It makes me sad to know that I 'betrayed' Brandon. It makes me sad that my group of friends scare everyone and that others hate us. I'm sad that I'm not a virgin. It makes me sad that Ashton's parents think bad about me. It makes me sad that I'm not nicer to Ashton and that I only hang around him for my homework. I'm so sorry that Brandon beat up Ashton. I miss Ashton.

Jamie pulls me out of my thoughts by running his thumb across my cheek and wiping the single tear away.

"Hey. You can change that. It's not worth crying about."

"I'm not crying." Am I really crying? I have to be.

I broke the crying block of nine years and it's exactly in front of Jamie. Jamie who I think is cool. Why would I cry in front of him?

I find myself wanting to be with Ashton right now. I don't know how he would react, but I know he'd be even nicer than normally. If that's possible.

Pictures of Ashton flush through my mind. His cute curls. His beautiful laugh. The dimpled smile that I want to see right now. His jiggly character.

"I miss Ashton," I tell Jamie without realizing what I'm doing and another tear falls.

He wipes it away once again. "Why don't you call him?"

"Because I'm crying."

"Do you honestly think he would mind? Just call him."

I look around the room and after a while at the floor.

"Hey. Come here." Jamie engulfs me in a hug once again and I bury my face in his chest. I've learned that from cheesy movies.

There's still tears coming and they eventually spill over but I don't mind and Jamie doesn't seem to either. I'm finally crying again.

I don't know how long Jamie and I have been standing there when he breaks our hug again and tells me to finally call Ashton.

"I'll show you a quiet place. Okay?" Jamie smiles at me and I wipe my face.

He pulls me by my hand, out of the room and up the stairs.

After a while we arrive on the top floor, where we walk along a corridor until we reach a door.

I pull down the handle but the door won't bulge. 

"It's locked," I sniffle, receiving a smile from Jamie.

"Oh no... No door is ever locked," he says and takes a small thick wire out of his pocket. 

He puts it into the key hole and starts to push it around in there. The movements seem to make no sense to me but apparently they do because a few seconds later the door is open, revealing the sight into a dark attic.

A lot of instruments are standing around in there. They're covered in dust and we walk in.

I have to cough when my throat gets dry because of the dust but Jamie covers my mouth before I get too loud. 

He walks over to a roof window and opens it, climbing out and disappearing in the darkness.

I'm scared alone in the attic, so I follow him.

As soon as I'm out of the building, I can breathe freely again.

Jamie is sitting a few feet away from the window on the roof. 

I walk over and sit down next to him. Jamie lays his arm around my shoulder and says, "this is Los Angeles baby," he motions over the whole city with his free arm and that's when I look up for the first time.

The view is totally stunning. We can even see the Hollywood sign and I get goose bumps all over my body. 

"I'll leave you alone now babe. Call Brandon or Ashton or your brother or whatever."

He squeezes my shoulder one more time before getting up and climbing back to the window while I pull out my phone.

I call Brandon first. Maybe talking to him leads me back to reality.

It rings three times and then he picks up.

"Gemma?"

"Hi Brandon," I say. 

"What do you want?"

"I'm sorry for what happened today. That guy is just a good friend. We did it for the camera."

"You lied to me."

"What?"

"You told me that you wouldn't meet any guy there."

I don't answer to that. He's no shit better.

"You know what Gemma? You've been acting slutty lately."

I take my phone off my ear and hang up. He has no right to tell me that. No way.

Ashton would never tell me that. Thinking about Ashton makes want to cry again.

I search his number and call him. It keeps ringing and it never stops ringing until the voicemail answers.

I try three more times and get more and more frustrated with every time. 

When he doesn't answer the forth time, tears spring to my eyes. I miss Ashton so much it's unreal. It's kind of like the feeling when you're homesick and everything's empty. Your stomach starts to hurt and you develop a huge desire of being at one specific place or with one specific person. And that's what's happening to me right now.

When I'm about to give up and get back in, my phone rings and Ashton's name flashes over the screen.

I get my fingers to accept the call as fast as possible and press it to my ear.

"Ashton?"

"Gemma what's wrong? It's after midnight."

I choke out, "I'm sorry Ashton."

"What for?" My tears start falling again.

"For how I am."

"What?"

"If I wasn't how I am you would've never gotten beat up and you would have better friends than me." My voice is weak and the state I'm in right now is pretty obvious.

"Are you crying?"

I nod, knowing that he knows what I'm doing.

"Why?"

"Because I miss you Ashton. I feel bad for how mean I've been to you."

"Listen Gemma. Don't be. That's not worth crying over. Just do it better when you're home."

"What did your parents say about the injuries?"

"I got home early and told them on the phone that I wasn't feeling well so I went straight to bed."

"I want to hug you Ashton."

"Me too Gemma, me too."

aw how cute is ashton?