Hopeless - The sequel to Breathless. A Janoskians fanfic.

2. "I'm repulsive."

*two weeks later*

"Morning gorgeous, what's our plan for today?" his arms snaked around my waist and I groaned as I prised my eyes open. I adjusted them to the light spilling thought the gap in the curtains and caught a glimpse of his heavily tattooed limbs, holding me gently. I turned slowly to face him, his arms still closed around my body and smiled as I looked into his deep brown eyes. Benji smiled back and tucked my dark hair behind my ears "mmm, we could just stay here" I begged him, his smiled slowly fell and he looked down. "Isla, you need to leave the house at some point, face the outside." I groaned again, I was petrified of leaving the house, I didn't want to see anyone. Still no body, other than Sierra and Luke, had made contact with me. Addie had gone back to her mother in Perth with Loren and the guys, well, I had no idea. Sierra had told them I was back home and that I was getting better but only Luke had responded, probably because him and Sierra were joined at the hip. Every time one of them was accidentally mentioned, the topic of conversation quickly changed.

Benji had been with me every day since I'd left the hospital, he was the key to my sanity. I really did like him, but of course I still thought about Skip, he was my first love, but he didn't care about me enough to see if I was okay. "babe, please? We can go to the beach with Sierra and Luke?" my body stiffened at the thought of being back on the beach and Benji quickly noticed. "Fuck! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, maybe just lunch in Melbourne central? Anything Isla, please? You're not going to feel yourself if you're cooped up in here all the time." maybe he was right, maybe it was time I faced the world. I nodded and his eyes lit up, he lips pressed firmly to mine, I embraced the kiss, his stubble scratched roughly on my chin which made me giggle. "I'll call Sierra." I smiled and sat up. Benji practically lived in my house with me now because I couldn't stand to be alone. I was so thankful for his company.

Sierra: Hello loser!

Isla: Hey you!

Sierra: what's up?

Isla: I'm leaning the house, Benji has persuaded me. Do you and Luke fancy lunch in town with us?

Sierra: YESYESYESYESYESYESYES! I'm so happy I'll call him now, just text me the details!

Isla: I'll see you later!

Sierra: I CAN'T WAIT!

Now I just had to make myself look presentable for the first time in five months, ugh. It was hot outside, I didn't have many summer clothes, I seriously needed to go shopping, Sierra would be happy about that. I walked over to the bathroom and caught sight of my frail body in the mirror, I'd hardly eaten in the past four months, my ribs poked out of my skin and my face was gaunt. I was paler than I'd been before the accident, which I didn't think was possible and my eyes were heavy. All my bruises had cleared up, but I still looked awful, how could Benji stay here with me when I looked like this? I'd lost three stone, I was borderline anorexic and none of my clothes fit me anymore. It wasn't that I refused to eat, I just wasn't hungry, but seeing my reflection suddenly made my stomach rumble and I knew I had to start eating properly and get my life back on track.

I got into the shower and ran my fingers all over the scars left on my body, the biggest was on my head, I'd had to have part of my hair shaved off and when I'd left hospital I'd cut my hair from my waist to my shoulders to hide the obvious difference in length. I was still getting used to it being so short, it didn't take as long to wash and dry though which was a plus. I stepped out of the warm water and wrapped a towel around myself, I was petrified of leaving this house, my body was shaking as I walked back into my room. Benji walked over to me and wrapped his arms around my body, trying to remove my towel but I pulled away and hugged the towel tightly. "Isla, what's wrong?" he asked stroking my face and placing a small kiss on my forehead. I began to cry, my whole body shaking and I slumped down the bathroom door in a heap, "I'm repulsive" I sobbed, "this is the first time I've looked at myself properly, how can you touch me when I look like this?" Benji crouched down next to me, holding my hand. I looked up at him and he wiped away my tears, "Isla, you'll get better, that's why I'm here, I still think you're absolutely beautiful, perfect."

After a lot of comforting from Benji and a few small kisses, I pulled myself up off the floor. I decided on wearing a long black maxi dress, it covered most of my body, although it hung loosely around my tiny waist. "none of my clothes fit me anymore, I need a fucking maccas!" I laughed and Benji joined in, "well that's lunch settled then." I poured a coffee into a travel flask and followed Benji to his car. He looked absolutely gorgeous, he had a pair of tight, rolled up skinny jeans, a white singlet that showed off his body full of tattoos and a pair of scruffy chuck Taylors. My favourite tattoo was one of a mermaid, she had black hair and a turquoise tail that wrapped around an anchor, it reminded me of myself and the miracle that I'd been anchored down on this earth after I'd been so close to death. Benji named it Isla after he caught me staring at it one evening and it felt like my guardian angel. Benji said he'd tattoo it for me, but I didn't want the same tattoo as my boyfriend, that would be weird, I thought about getting something similar though.

We listened to the xx in the car, as the lyrics to Angels sounded throughout, they reminded me of Skip. I didn't want to be in love with him anymore, he'd just deserted me, but I couldn't help but think of him everyday. It wasn't fair on Benji, but I think, secretly, he knew I was still in love with Skip. I liked Benji, a lot, I could easily fall in love with him, but I had to get my mind off Skip first. "Isla, Isla! We're here." I had zoned out and not realised the car had stopped. I laughed gently to myself, stepped out of the car and took Benji's hand firmly in mine. As we walked to the front of the shopping centre I spotted Sierra's long red hair, but she wasn't just with Luke, Jai was there too. I gripped Benji's hand tighter as we approached them and he kissed my cheek, letting me know was safe. Why was Jai here? He hadn't bothered to see me in the three weeks I'd been awake, so why now? I didn't have anything to say him, seeing his face made me hate him, Beau, Skip and James even more.