Hopeless - The sequel to Breathless. A Janoskians fanfic.

20. "I dont know how."

Sorry it's a short one but I didn't want to keep you waiting anymore!

Skip's POV -

The sight of her skin made me feel sick, it was raw and blistered, skin pealed around sores and blood stained her pale skin. It looked as though she'd been burnt, I didn't feel sick because of the way it looked, I felt sick because I knew Benji had done this to her, and then she confessed she'd done it to herself. I was in shock, why would someone as beautiful as Isla do this to herself? Had Benji's physical abuse been the reason? Had he started it and she finished it off because of him? I need answers. Rage and anger flooded through my body, "Isla, what the fuck is going on?" I questioned her, her gaze left the floor and she looked up at me, her eyes filled with tears. "I can't tell you, I'm scared." her voice broke and trailed off, the tears started falling down her cheeks and she sniffed. I wiped the tears away with my hand and stroked her hair comfortingly, "I need to know." I begged, she sighed and lifted her frail body up next to mine, crossing her legs. She wrapped the quilt around her body, I took the left over half and wrapped it around myself, so we were both concealed in the warmth.

Skip: Why?

Isla: To make myself clean.

Skip: I don't understand?

Isla: This is the result of scrubbing myself in the shower, I wanted the was away the guilt, the disgust and the shame from my body. I'm nothing Skip, I deserved it.

Skip: NEVER say you're nothing, you're everything to me! He was the one hitting you, it's not your fault. When did you do this?

Isla: When Benji was here today, when he'd told you all I was getting changed. Afterwards, I watched you leave with Tabby, I didn't feel safe anymore.

Skip: what made you do it? Did he hit you again?

Isla: Kind of.

Skip: What is that supposed to mean, kind of?

Isla: Well yeah, he hit me..

Skip: stop hiding things from me Isla! Please just tell me?!

Isla: I don't know how.

Skip: Please Isla, I want to help you?

Isla: Help me? He's been abusing me for months and he raped me today. The whole time you've been fucking Tabby, why did you leave me Skip? Where we're you when I was dying?! You don't want to help me, you just want me to need your help!

He'd raped her? In her own house, no wonder she didn't feel safe. We'd never talked about her being in the hospital since she left, I was trying to avoid the questions, the anger, but finally, after a few months, the questions came. She was angry, I could see fire building in her eyes, "I didn't want to hurt you, I couldn't bare to lose you Isla." she looked at me and rose her eyebrow in disbelief, she stood up, away from me and laughed bitterly. "Hurt me? Look at me now Skip?!" she pulled her shirt of her body and slid her joggers down, revealing her tiny frame and blistered skin. Tears spouted from her eyes, I was speachless, I just couldn't find the words to tell her the whole truth, about how close she was to death, how I couldn't say goodbye. "I'm sorry." was all that came out. She looked at me in disgust and pulled her clothes back over her body, she turned to me, "you're always fucking sorry, why don't you ever do something about it?" she screamed, "just get out Skip!" she continued opening the door.

I felt heart broken, dead inside. I'd finally got her back, I had her right there, and then it had crumbled, again. I left the treehouse, I didn't know what else to do, maybe it was best if I let her cool off. I walked across her back garden, trying to process what she had said to me, Benji was lucky he was locked up, or he'd be in hospital. Anger, pain and upset flowed through my body, he'd raped her, metres away from me and no one had helped her. I felt guilty for leaving her in the treehouse alone, I thought about going back but I knew if I did we would argue even more. I punched the wall in frustration as I walked along the side of her house, my knuckles bled and pain shot through the whole of my left hand. I shouted out in pain and anger, opened the door of my car, everything was silent and I began sobbing into the stealing wheel.