Save me- PTX / Kavi fanfiction

Chapter 17

- Avi's POV -
I made a mistake. A horrible mistake. Kirstie will think that it's all her fault. Only because I reacted that way. I didn't know why I jerked back everytime I heard her name. Or why I was so scared whenever I wasn't by her side or even when she was with me. I was so confused. I was afraid that something could happen to her when she was alone or that I could hurt her.
Talking with John was a terrible idea. We should have listened to Scott. I mean I really missed him. I really did and I couldn't be happier but in my opinion it made things only worse.
It didn't matter how many times I tried to tell Kirstie that I was afraid of losing her because I might do something to scare her again or to let her leave me. She would just shrug it off and tell me that we would get through it. Together. I believed her but I wasn't so sure about it now.

We sat on the wooden floor, cuddled up in thousand blankets while drinking tea. I relaxed a little but my head was hurting by all my thinking.
I could see John mentally scolding himself. It was not his fault that I broke down. He had no idea. Even Kirstie didn't know. Nobody did. I didn't either. What exactly was my problem?! Maybe it was my past which I never forgot because I never got over it. Maybe it was something else I didn't know.
Kirstie was sipping on her tea glancing between John and I.
I felt bad for her. She had to stick around with such an awful boyfriend. I couldn't hate myself more.
'Kirst?' I whispered trying to get her attention.
'Yes bby?' She placed her tea cup on top of the table and turned back to me.
'I'm sorry'
'For what Avi?' She was confused. I could tell by the look on her face.
'For everything. For being awful. For making mistakes all the time. For being a failure..'
'Stop.' Kirstie ordered while scooting over to me. She gave me a small love filled kiss and whispered only inches away from my face. 'It's not your fault. Nothing is your fault. And you're not a failure or burden or something alright?' She caressed my cheek. 'I love you no matter what or else I wouldn't be here don't you think?' I managed a slow nod before she hugged me tight.
John changed his sitting position and cleared his voice.
'Uhm Avi?'
Kirstie let go and sat beside of me smiling slightly.
I nodded to John.
'Well.. I'm sorry too. I didn't know that this one sentence could trigger so much. I would've never said it if I knew.'
I raised my hand to silence him.
'John don't worry. As Kirstie said we will work this out. And that's why I have to tell you everything I held back for so long.'
And I did.
Hopefully I was doing the right thing.

* A/N :insert here Avi's thoughts and experiences from Chapter 8 *

'Oh Avi I had no idea'
Tears shimmered in Kirstie's eyes. I could see that she was shaking and I felt awful. I hated telling her what I had experienced. John was terrified as well which was weird because I thought that he had experienced the same things as me.
'Kirstie there's more...something about us' I gulped. This was the hardest part of my story. These thoughts accompanied me wherever I went and I always thought about telling her. I was afraid of what she would say.
I took her hands and started to talk and her eyes grew wide.
'Do you remember when we went out for our first date? You were so nervous. I could tell because your cheeks turned pink and it was adorable but darling I was nervous as well.You were and still are gorgeous and I can't believe that you chose me to be your boyfriend. Gosh you don't even know how happy I am.
When I look in your eyes I could see my whole future in them. We would sit in our backyard surrounded by our beautiful and talented childern. And I would hold you, my wife, in my arms.
I wish that we can have something like that someday.
Everytime I sing "I need your love" and "Say something" I would close my eyes and think of you and I would think that we couldn't be together because we were bandmates and you would never like that way.
I remember the day I told you how I felt. I was at the edge of crying because I knew that our friendship could end there, at that very moment. But you said it back. You said you loved me and I was and still am the happiest man.
Kirstie I love you dearly and everything that had happend, fights or so, were all my fault.
I let my past haunt me and the worst memory of all.. I shut you out. It broke my heart but I did it to protect you from the monster I was.
I'm sorry about everything.
I'm sorry about how stupid I am.
Kirstie?
You know what they say.
They say: " You can't love someone unless you love yourself first."
But that's Bullshit. I have never loved myself Kirstie. Never. But you.. oh god I love you so much I forgot what hating myself felt like.
Darling.. You saved me..

I love you'

'I love you too, Avi.'

Heeeey this story is about to end. The next chapter will be loooooooong.
What do you think? :D