Camera {Malum}

Video 20/24

February 16th

It was frustrating that I really wasn't getting any closer to Michael.

Ashton had once again hung out at the coffee shop a few days, but Luke hadn't returned.

I should have been asking myself why, but I was more focused on the thoughts about Sarah. Because she seemed so familiar, but I just couldn't find out who she was. And I guess that was the most frustrating, really.

Anyway.

Today had been a bit of a slow day. I had stayed in bed until lunch or something, just watching some TV. I had then eaten something and slowly showered and gotten dressed.

It just took me a long time to do stuff and I wasn't really in the mood to do much. It was just one of those days, I guess.

And surprisingly -in the negative way- I wasn't even considering to watch a video. Which would've shocked me, normally.

So I guess that kind of explains why it took me until somewhere after dinner to start on a new video.

And what was also frustrating, was that I was already at video twenty, but I hadn't seen Michael once. And I hadn't gotten that close to him either.

I just wanted to find him, really.

Maybe hug him.

He just seems so huggable.

Yeah. When I'll see him, I'll hug him. Real tight. I'll go for that.

January 1st

"Welcome to the new year! As you can see," Michael filmed the park he was in, "nothing has changed. Well, apart from all the leftovers of the fireworks."

Michael smiled widely at the camera, waving and then pulling at his beanie with one hand. It was still early and a bit cold.

"I haven't done much yesterday. I showed the fireworks a bit, remember? They were really pretty," Michael smiled again, walking through the park slowly.

"After the best firework was over, I went to bed, actually," he was a bit embarrassed to admit that, because normally people his age would stay up really late. And he would've, but he was just so tired.

And that was why it actually was weird that Michael had woken up so early again.

But, he didn't really question it anymore. He was kinda used to sleeping so little nowadays.

"Luke offered that I stayed at his, but I really wanted my own bed, for some reason. So I went home and yeah." Michael nodded a bit, looking around for a moment.

"I hope you had a good new year, by the way. You'll probably watch this way after I filmed this, but still. And of course," Michael stopped walking for a moment, feeling tired again, "I hope you'll have a good year. I feel like you deserve one."

Michael smiled, but even his smile couldn't hide how tired he was. There were noticeable bags beneath his eyes and he had the constant need to just go to sleep.

But he couldn't sleep.

He tried.

There were many days where he just went to bed in the middle of the day, trying to at least take a nap. But he just couldn't.

And so, he was stuck with being tired. Which definitely wasn't easy.

Most of all because his parents and Luke had obviously noticed, continuously being worried about him.

And that was just the thing Michael didn't want. Them worrying.

Which was secretly also why he didn't wear his awesome cat ears around his parents and Luke anymore. Because if he did wear them, they would know when he said he was okay, that he wasn't.

Because that was just the harsh truth.

Michael wasn't okay.

And everyone knew that, but they trusted him when he said differently.

"Anyways, I'll be heading home soon. I wanna try and change the ears on my cool headband," Michael smiled, starting to walk to the exit of the park already, "because, I think the yellow goes a little better with my hair when it's black."

He exited the park and then stopped, secretly not wanting to go home yet, so he bought himself some time, talking to the camera.

"I'm thinking about dyeing it today. Or just anytime soon, really. I don't want the dye Luke gave me to go to waste, you know? I mean, he gave it because he wanted to see my hair black again and... Well, yeah." Michael shrugged, still smiling.

"It's kinda too bad I can't ask your opinion, right?" Michael chuckled softly, the feeling of sadness slowly creeping up on him.

But he didn't want to feel sad. He's had enough of that and he was here to have fun and be happy and laugh and so on.

And so, Michael joked around a bit, thinking of ways to greet the piano boy once they would meet.

Because he could just greet him normally, with a simply hi or hey.

But he could also throw in a pick-up line, because that could always be fun. Or just an easy way of getting the conversation going.

Or it could fail, but he felt like Calum would appreciate it rather than think it's stupid or something.

"I guess I'll just say hi. And then sorry for keeping your camera from you for so long. It's just that I haven't really found a way to get the camera back to you. But once I do," Michael said seriously, promising, "I'll bring it back as soon as possible. I promise."