Our Time Now. [Patrick Kane][Completed]

Chapter Twelve.

I had the pill in my hand. It was so easy. All I had to do was pop it in, and wash it down. I had done it hundreds of times before. Why was this time so hard? I felt the ache in my body, craving the feeling of nothing. I craved it. I did so much thinking, that it was nice to think of nothing. 

On one hand, I could lose everything that I had going for me. My boyfriend, my job, and I would just be stuck back in an apartment with Macy, living a daily hell of ups and downs. 

On the other hand, the stress that I was feeling physically made me want to die. I wanted to escape. No one ever noticed before. They didn't notice the empty eyes, expressionless face, and shell of a human. That's what my pills did for me. They helped me not feel. It was only one pill. It would only dull the pain, not enough to draw any attention. This was for the best. 

I did it. I threw it back, and waited for it to take effect. 

I put back the bottle in the exact place I found it. No need to draw any attention to missing pills. I left the small room, and made my way over to the locker room. The usual chaos was going on. The guys were joking around, some where doing warm ups, other's just messing around. It was before all of the reporters, and random crew got there so it wasn't as bad. I usually just went over and sat with Patrick while he started to get ready. 

"Hey baby." he said, greeting me with a quick kiss in front of everyone. Neither one of us were very fond of PDA and had a hard time showing any kind of affection in front of other people beyond simple hand holding. 

"Hey. Ready for the game?" I asked, admiring him in his tight under armor. 

"Always. Gotta impress not only my family, but my girl. Going for highlight reel status." He smiled at me.

"Aren't you always highlight reel status?" I giggled softly. 

"Yeah, but I didn't want to brag." he smirked. 

I rolled my eyes at him, and started to feel the pills take effect. Since it had been so long since I had taken them, it was going to affect me differently than normal. 

"You okay?" he asked, instantly noticing something different in my demeanor.

"Fine. Just a little nervous about spending so much time with just your family." I lied. 

He looked at me for a second, and I knew he didn't fully believe me, but he wasn't going to push it. He knew that if he did this here, he might lose me. 

And I was too. 

Things were tense, or at least that's what his face said. I was loosing feeling, the pills were working, and we were drifting apart. I just wanted to tell him. Tell him everything, but right now I really could care less. 

"I love you, Patrick." I said quietly to him before I headed up to the suite. 

He didn't say it back as I left, but I didn't really give him a chance to. I knew I screwed up, and I had no idea on how to fix it. 

---

I mostly just talked with his mom the whole game, his sisters were in their own world, whispering while looking at me every once in a while. I hated this. Why did I come? Why did I try? 

Patrick was playing significantly more aggressively than I had seen him play before. I didn't like it. Every time he went to check someone, they would come back after him. He got into a few shoving matches, and he hit his stick against the boards quite a bit. I knew this was my fault. But I couldn't care with the pill. 

I stayed away from the topic of family, and did my best to paint the best possible picture. That had to do with a lot of lying. 

But all my thoughts came to a standstill when I saw Patrick sprawled out across the ice. I sobered up instantly, and everything else went silent.