PATIENT LOVE

Chapter seventeen

2 hours

For two hours I've been awake and in those two hours I've done nothing but watch her sleep. I examined her face, noticed the small creases that would form on her forehead and how once my fingers slid over the crease her face would relax again. Sometimes even a smile.

Her head rest on my chest, our legs tangled, and arms wrapped around one another; completely entwined. My fingers move through her hair, starting from her scalp. At first I was hesitant to do so because I was afraid of waking her but she's proved to be a heavy sleeper. Either that or she enjoys it.

I'm staring up at the ceiling now, watching as the ceiling fan rotates around and around. While in my state of silence all the thoughts I've wanted to ignore make themselves known, one of them being Jessica.

I cheated on Jessica last night with Madelyn, but what shocks me the most is that I don't care. I'm a dick, but I can't help how I feel about the woman who is nuzzled next to me.

Jessica and I are far from happy nowadays. On the days that I see her we're either fighting over her priorities or ignoring each other completely. There was a point in my life when Jessica meant the world to me, she was everything. I believed in us. Lately, I don't see a chance for us and after last night I know that there can't be an 'us' anymore. We're both miserable but too coward to do or say anything about it. It's not healthy the way we speak to each other when we're angry. She knows how to bring out the worst in me and I hate it, but I know a part of me loves her but I'm not in love with her anymore.

In the beginning it was good, so good. She used to be so filled with life but now she's so bitter. I hadn't really noticed how much until after I'd asked her to marry me. I thought she was the one I would settle down with, the one who'd give birth to our child. And it's sad to think but I don't see that ever happening. She's distant all the time, and for that I'm glad. Glad because I found Madelyn.

Madelyn. So lovely, so sincere. The first time laying eyes on her, I was completely hers. On the edge of my seat to hear what words would come out her mouth. And then when she got on that stage and sung that song so elegantly I was so... fascinated. So when I was given the chance to meet her the second time in a point in my life where I wasn't really me anymore, I took it. And now I'm here in her bedroom with her, one hundred percent content with her in my arms.

I know that no matter how unhappy I am with Jessica I should have had enough respect for her to just end the engagement but this wasn't part of a plan or anything, it just happened.

I sigh, shaking my head slightly. My fingers trace up and down the spine of her back and she stirs. I freeze. She hasn't opened her eyes but she's slowly waking up. A small smile pulls on her face and I feel her tighten her arms on me.

"Good morning, love." I say.

She peeks out one eye at me but quickly closes her eyes, hiding her face in the pillows.

"Oh, no you don't," I tease her, starting to tickle her sides.

"Harry-, Harry okay!" she laughs, trying to get away from my touch, but I pin her arms down by the wrists with one of my arms as my fingers continue its torture.

"Stop!" she shouts in laughter, thrashing under the covers to get away from me.

"Or what?" I whisper to her ear and she stops moving, her eyes wide. She stares up at me like she's thinking about something and I know I'm staring at her for too long and then she smiles up at me.

Her hands bring my face down, eliminating the small remaining space. She's kissing me and I feel that drive course through me again. My knee moves to separate her thighs and easily my lower half is resting comfortably between her legs.

My head dips down to pepper kisses along her jaw and down to her sensitive chest area and she takes in a sharp breath.

"Harry," she sighs, one of her arms curling around my neck. In response, my lips attack her neck and she arches against me.

My hand that isn't wandering her body slides down between us and I aligned myself with her. I pull back to gaze at her eyes, seeing if she wants me to stop but she's looking up at me and she's biting her lip. She moves her hips for more friction and I let out a low groan.

I slip right into her and I watch as her face contorts in pleasure. I watch how her back arches and how her cheeks turn pink under my gaze.

With every thrust I see her close to cracking and knowing that, I quicken my pace. The pace between us causes my brow to prickle with sweat and she's panting for breath and so am I and I'm just lost in the feel of her. My eyes fall shut and I lean my forehead with hers, lowering my lips just a little to kiss her. The tension is building and she starts to call for more and I groan, biting a little too hard on her neck. I deliver her request easily and she becomes a panting mess.

She's biting on her lower lip, her eyes shut and her breathing quickly getting heavier with every movement I make and it's driving me mad. I brace one of her legs against my shoulder and I hit a different angle, unraveling her.

"Shit," I curse, the word coming out in a soft breath. She hits her high and her muscles squeeze and I grip her thighs, driving in my last thrusts harder and deeper.

My name leaves her lips and it works me up well. I'm groaning and moaning her name until I hit impossibly deep and she gasp, crying out my name and I'm done for.

I gently collapse onto her, immediately bringing her lips to mine. I pull back and roll onto my back, eyes shut and having to breathe heavily out of my nose.

"Fucking incredible," I pant. She rolls on her side and I feel her eyes on me. Her hand hesitantly meets mine at the small gap between us and in slow motions, our hands tangle together. I watch how we continue this cycle of entwining our hands, come apart, and to then entwine again in the slighest touch.

"Harry?" she says and I settle my gaze from our hands to her hazel colored eyes.

"Yes, love,"

"What does this mean?"

I'm silent for a few seconds. I shut my eyes.

"What do you mean?" 

"You know. Us," she says and I open my eyes, searching for hers. She's calmly looking at me.

"I don't know," I breathe and I can sense that she tenses. It was the first thing to come to mind and I still haven't had enough time to think everything through; I have no idea what I want.

"Oh," she says, moving up from the bed. "Okay." She sits up and grabs some clothing from her nightstand and then she's walking away.

"Madelyn, wa-" I try to grab at her hand but she shuts the bathroom door.

Madelyn's POV

I'm so stupid, so so so stupid. What the hell was I expecting? That he would just call things off? Yes.

I don't even know what I was thinking last night and just now. Everything was in the heat of the moment and I just didn't think of the consequences.

"God, I'm an idiot," I mutter to myself as I hold my head in my hand.

I turn on the faucet and I'm brushing my teeth when I hear the sound of cursing, so much cursing coming from Harry. And then I hear him shuffling off the bed, finding his clothes. A few minutes later there's a knock on the door.

"Madelyn?" he says, "I-I have to go." He says urgently. "I'll ca- I'll see you around."

I don't even say anything because I have no idea what to say, but he doesn't wait for my response either because before I know it, I'm hearing the front door shut.

I use the bathroom counter to support myself. My eyes are closed and I'm trying to stay calm, but all I'm feeling is anger and so much shame.

How could I sleep with Harry?