PATIENT LOVE

Chapter thirty-five

Betrayal so deep cuts me and I can't even think clearly as all I can see is Jess' smirking face and the words she said looping in my head over and over on repeat like a broken record... what makes you think he wouldn't do the same to you? Hurts doesn't it?

"No, no," I'm shaking my head repeatedly as I'm looking for where I placed my phone last, it seems like everything has slipped my mind.

With shaking hands I find his name, calling him, sitting on my bed waiting for his voice for me to tell him what just happened and for him to swear up and down that Jess is wrong. Jess is wrong. She has to be.

The line cuts to his voicemail and my fist clamp around the phone. I call again, the more I call, the more times I hear his voicemail I feel a part of myself shattering. I feel sick, used. My eyes land on the vase of flowers on my nightstand from a time when doubt like this was nonexistent but now when I see these flowers all I feel is disgust at seeing the dwindling petals. Dead, just like this relationship, just like whatever trust I had left in me for any man.

I don't register what I've done until collapsing on the floor next to the still intact vase and trampled flowers. Crash after crash I continue on until the wooden vase is crumpling in my hand, hands sore from the impact.

From my spot on the floor I lose count from how many calls pass but I can't even convince myself to get up, not until a loud banging is at my door, until shouts of my name echoes all around me.

He's here.

Wiping under my eyes with my sore hands I leave the mess I created in my room, going to confront him. His knocking doesn't ease up and his shouts have definitely caught the attention of everyone on my floor.

"Madelyn what the hell!?" he shouts and practically falls into my apartment. He steps closer to me, hands reaching for my face but I recoil away from his touch.

"You weren't going to tell me." I start.

"What, tell you what Maddie?" he comes close and cups my face before I can move far away from him. "H-have you been crying, Madelyn what's going on, tell me now, I've been calling you for hours." I can barely focus on the words he's saying to me, all I can hear are Jess' words.

"You were still sleeping with her?" I ask another question. He knows I mean Jess.

"What? No, Madelyn. I swear I wasn't." He's pulling at his hair, close to pacing in front of me.

"I should have known. If you could hurt her like that then what would ever stop you from hurting me as well?" my voice is ice cold. He can't even formulate words and the frustration boils over when I notice the ring on my finger.

"Leave," I yank the ring off and it lands right in front of his boot. "I don't want your promises."

Something shatters behind his eyes, the green diminishes and he gripes to pick up the ring. "Madelyn, no," he tries putting the ring back on my finger but I pull away from him each time. He looks like his world just came crashing down but guess what, so did mine.

"You knew what you were keeping from me when you gave me that ring, promising me this to keep me trapped with you, but you went about it all wrong."

"I-I'll tell you everything right now, let me explain, just give me that!" he's pulling at strands. "That day when I went to speak to her I called things off, I swear I did but she took out this pregnancy test and-" he starts but I can't even let him finish as I feel weak and sick from his words.

"God, Harry, oh my god," I'm pulling away, I've never felt something like this.

"No, listen to me. I wasn't sleeping with her! You have to believe me, you have to."

"How am I supposed to when you kept it from me!?" I'm starting to pace. I want to believe him, but I don't trust myself to think rationally with him.

"I kept it from you because it isn't true. I know it isn't. I just needed everything to blow-over-" I cut him off.

"How can you be so sure?"

"It doesn't add up. Jess and I hadn't touched each other in months... it just doesn't make sense." He's repeating.

"She came here and she said that you were still hers and told me to make sure I asked what you were doing with her today but you told me you had an assignment, I don't even know if I can believe anything that comes out of your mouth!" My arms are thrown in the air in his direction and with each step he takes toward me I'm pushing at his chest, keeping him away from me.

"Listen, Madelyn, listen to me," he holds both of my thrashing wrists in his hands. I'm heaving, angry and crying. "Yes, I was with her earlier this morning, but only for an ultrasound proof and for a DNA test. I swear to you Madelyn." He looks into my eyes intently, striking me to the core with every bit of his emotion.

"You have to believe me, Madelyn," his voice sounds so vulnerable and then there's a crack, one crack that acts as a catalyst of tears that run down his face.

His head is bowed as he cries harder, like a boy who's lost his favorite object in the entire world. "I can't lose you," he's on his knees now, voice muffled. With quiet shaky breaths he promises me again and again that nothing matters more to him than me, us. His lips kiss at my stomach covered by my shirt and slowly I'm falling apart in front of him also.

His arms clasp around my waist, keeping me pressed tightly against him as he cries into my shirt. I fall to my knees in front of him and run my hand down his back, his shoulders and his body shakes with tremors. He lifts his head, green eyes red-rimmed. I almost can't breathe and then he says my name and we're both pressed against each other, taking in the comfort and meshing our pain together.

I love him and I'm not sure how I feel about the power he holds on me, but right now all that I can care about is how vulnerable he is at this moment.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he repeats into my neck. "I don't deserve you."

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AN: another short chapter, sorry but thank you for reading, i hope you liked it!x

and sorry for any typos, i try to catch those as much as i can

songs for this chapter i guess(just what I had playing in the background while i wrote):

say love - jojo

she used to be mine - sara bareilles 

yes - demi lovato

half a heart - 1D (;

and literally zayn's entire album 

omgg fun fact: GOLDEN is my favorite song off his album (hence my username(;

anyways yeah, thank you again for reading! going to try updating soon but rn i'm heading into AP Exam reviews, so...yeah keep that in mind

okay i'm outtie

-RM