This Is The End

Night Terrors

I walked down a path toward the silent grave. The wind was biting at my ears and nose, I clung onto my coat, brushing snowflakes off the bouquet of flowers. The sky was a bleak grey and the ground was shimmering with white.
I had picked the red ones, since it was her favourite colour. She always had her nails painted a blood or rose Red.
God damn I hope Mikey and Gerard are okay...
I paced across the solemnly quiet headstones and stopped at one with the inscription:
Helena
Passed 13th December 2004
Loving mother, grandmother and friend.
Her work here is done, she helped us overcome ourselves.
She joined the Black Parade
The last part Gerard wanted on there. I can't believe it's been 4 years since she died.
I looked over the other graves and read one that said
Amelia
Loving sister, friend and Wife.
Her demons won, but her heart will never stop beating within us
Rest In Peace
What was this? What's going on?
I whirled around at a feeling of icy breath on my neck.
It was Frank.
He had a noose around his neck. His eyes were lifeless. His skin was grey. His clothes were bloodstained.
"This is what you did to me" he whispered and fell backwards, into a black obis. I screamed but was not heard, I ran and ran but to no avail I couldn't escape the graveyard. Darkness surrounded me and it grew blacker and blacker-
I sat up sharply, in a cold sweat. My heart was beating out of my chest and I could barely catch my breath. My throat felt sore. Had I been screaming in real life?
Another nightmare. That's the fourth one this week.
Its just the medication side effects.
I mean it has to be because this has never happened before, and I was on a new pill they would stop my Bipolar for good. I stopped self harming on my wrists and moved into my ankles and legs because it's getting warmer and mom will soon be able to see them if I wear short sleeves, I always wear jeans no matter what the season.
My mom came into my room and asked me if I was okay. I couldn't help but cry.
God dammit Amelia you're an 18 year old stop crying.
But I couldn't. I shakily spoke. "Mom I-I saw Frank die...a-and I saw my grave and I couldn't get out and-"
"Ssshhh it's okay. It's over now. Try and get some sleep"
She kissed my forehead and left. As soon as I heard the door click shut I rolled over and cried into my pillow muffling my weeping.
(It was May now and the guys keep taking me to the studio. I work on unfinished songs writing poems and composing guitar riffs. I can't sing but Gerard has been teaching me. Frank or Gerard sing my songs when we record them, to layer the parts and head it fully. Mikey is always there for me in my downfalls. On this new pill I'm taking my downfalls will be worse but my Bipolar will stop. Ray helps me with my guitar skills and teaches me different tunings and hand placements for chords. We're like a group of siblings now.)
Why was this happening?!!???!!?!! I see people I love dying, surrounded by flames or in a graveyard and then blackness. I hate it and I hate my life. I'm a god damn fucked up person who doesn't deserve a life.
My weeps were strong but muffled by my pillow. My chest was starting to hurt and my arms were shaking.
Eventually I fell asleep, pillow wet with tears.

"Come on, you gotta do your History exam" Mikey laughed at me. He drove me to school because he was the only one willing to wake up that early to go get me.
"Damn I forgot to revise!" I said, hopping into the car.
"You know, I remember when I was at high school. Must've been about three or four years ago?" He said, starting up the engine and driving away. "I was real good at geography and I got an award for the highest mark in my exams"
"Whoa there mister smarty pants" I giggled.
"Have you had anymore nightmares?" He asked gently, they cared about my mental health and I did there's. Mikey had recently come over depression and is on a path of recovery. He's the only one who can really relate to my nightmares.
"Yeah... I had another last night."
"Tell me what happened, you could've called me if you wanted"
"I didn't want to wake you guys up" I lied. I was too busy sobbing to call anyone. I told him about my dream as we pulled up to the school gates.
"I'm sorry you keep having them, they'll go away soon. Frank said he'd pick you up and we'll meet you at the studio?"
"Sounds cool, see you later" I said hopping out the car and into the miserable gates of school.
I can't wait to go to the studio, I'd rather be there than here...

(YOOOO I'm back again! Hope you had a spoopy Ieroween and now that it's November expect me to be playing November by SWS all month!)