Sorry

three

abia kamin

Twins.

Mateo and Rowan were twins. I hadn't taken much notice to his brother until I realized Mateo did not show up to school. Day after day I expected to feel his stares and continuous obsession with me. But I was let down. I don't know why his absence bothered me.

His absence allowed me to grow familiar with his brother that looked similar to him. Their facial features in itself were very alike. They were definitely fraternal twins. They had differences in their hair. Rowan had dark hair that reached his ears. His eyes weren't green like Mateo's. They were a deep blue colour. Heavy emphasis on the differences in their personalities too.

Rowan's friendly self could light up a room. He was charismatic, funny and just overall charming. It made me question what could have possibly happened to Rowan that made him the way he was. It was like his portion of happiness never got shared and it only ever went to Rowan in the womb, leaving Mateo with everything bitter and sad about life. Polar opposite twins. One that reflects light, while the other absorbs darkness.

My foot stepped onto my cold marble floor, leaving my steam filled shower. I wrapped my soft plush towel around myself, the bathroom mirror hazy, preventing me from seeing my reflection. I opened the door to my bedroom, the air being brisk. My window was open, yet I hadn't done it. I always made an effort to never have my window open at night.

I stood still in my place. I was hesitant to close it or move in general. The room was completely dark but I could see the silhouette of the broad body by my bed. They found entertainment in the photos on my nightstand.

"You can breathe." It was hard to hear them. The low tone and bass tone of this voice made their words unclear.

"Mateo?" I breathed.

I wanted to feel relieved that it was just Mateo. But Mateo was a stranger to me. A mysterious peer that refrained from creating friendships with anyone at school, unlike his brother. Every time he looked at me, it's like he was fighting every urge not to tear me apart. Yet, I still wanted to know why he was here and where he'd been for the past week. I barely knew him and hated my betraying thoughts.

I tightened the grip of the towel around me. "You and your boyfriend still together?" He trespassed to ask me that? I couldn't begin to fathom why he possibly cared or why part of me wanted him to.

"What's it to you?" I snapped. He grinned, setting down my picture frame. He turned to me.

"Nothing actually," he retorted. "I just took you as something who doesn't take bullshit. I guess I can't be right about everything."

I tilted my head, wondering what could be wrong with him. How could he come through my window only to say snarky remarks at me?

"You don't know me," I made clear. His tongue ran along his front teeth, eyeing me down like a meal waiting to be devoured. Savoury and sweet with the slightest pinch of spice.

"I'm convinced you don't even know yourself," his boots thumped against my wooden floor boards as he brought himself closer. I found myself holding my breath again when his thumb slowly brushed against my jaw. He was taking in as many features as he could while in the dark.

His small touch confused every nerve in my body. It didn't understand that it wasn't his touch and attention I craved, it was Ryan's. Ryan left a void and Mateo standing here easily filled it. I wanted to know more about him.

"You look just like her," he whispered to himself almost in awe. I could not question who or what he was talking about, just wanting to continue hearing his voice speak. His eyes trailed along my body, making a mental map of everything he was feeling with his finger tips.

The back of my head told me to scream for my parents. It pressed me to warn them of the strange man in my room. It reminded me that although a cheater, I was still dating Ryan. I cut communication off with him, but it's not like he had a clue on where I stopped with our relationship. The toxicity in me wanted to take advantage of this opportunity to get my revenge on Ryan.

"You were gone. Where did you go?" I stuttered out, my throat being choked for words. The display of my nervousness only him feel powerful and in control. Our breathing patterns were matched from our chests touching.

"What's it to you?" He mocked my earlier comment with a deceiving smirk on his face.

I turned my head away, walking into my closet to change. "You honestly have a lot of nerve coming to my home, sorry, breaking into my home and showing me so much attitude. Twice now you have invaded my personal space and privacy. I'm tired of it. You need to get the fuck out." I had this wave of confidence come over me while dropping my towel and putting clothing on. "I'm not doing this with you and-" I was forced to stop when I left the closet, seeing he was nowhere to be seen.

Making my way to my window, I looked out in search for him and where he could have gone. But he was nowhere in sight. He had just vanished. Again.

The next day I went to school anticipating the idea of seeing him. I made the assumption that his week long venture would remain a week and he would be back. For the only class I had with him, his usual seat remained empty. I wanted answers. Answers that I had no obligation to receive. Mateo owed me nothing, and maybe everything I felt was in my head.

"Stupid question, but did the egg or the bird come first?" Hadlee's eyes squinted, taking her time to think of an answer. My sights were on Rowan seated with friends on the further end of the cafeteria. Biting down on the insides of my cheeks, my knee bounced up and down.

"I have to go," I impulsively decided. I gathered my things into my bag and ignored my groups whining for me to stay.

I made a straight bee line to the table with people I was never close with. They knew my name and it's not like I hadn't made an effort to learn theirs, we just hardly all ever crossed paths. I gained Rowan's attention who flashed me a large smile. Rowan and I did not share any classes, but knew Mateo and Rowan had definitely shared conversation about me.

"Hi," Rowan's teeth were perfectly shaped just like his jaw. Scooting to the side, he let me sit beside him at their table. I started off by greeting everyone before starting playful banter with Rowan. He was easy to talk to. Like talking to a friend I had always known. Conversation came easy with him.

"What's wrong with Mateo? I haven't seen him in a while," I brought up the question waiting at the tip of my tongue to be asked. His expression changed. He seemed upset. Not with me, but at something sensitive. I wonder if he knew about Mateo showing up in my bedroom.

"What's not wrong with Mateo?" He joked, but there was something serious about his tone. "He's going through his own shit right now. Prefers to be alone when things get rough. If he said something offensive to you, just ignore it." What could he possibly be going through that allowed for Rowan to be so unbothered?

Hearing that tugged on my heart the slightest bit—being alone while going through something rough. It was polar opposite to how I handled obstacles.

"Do you mind telling him I was worried and hope he's okay?" My hair fell forward when I looked down at my hands, unable to speak the words while looking him in the eye. I had no reason to concern myself with Mateo, so admitting this small truth to Rowan was difficult.

"You're the last person he wants to hear from," he silently commented to himself. With wide eyes I looked up at him. The idea of Mateo having this unprovoked hate for me was something that kept itching in my head. But I continuously scratched it away, because how could he hate me before knowing me? Rowan essentially confirmed all my suspicions about Mateo hating me for no reason. "I'll let him know," he spoke louder with a smile.