Sorry

three

abia kamin

Twins.

Something Mateo left out. But who was I to expect him to mention that when we had never really had much conversation. I found out for myself when Mateo did not show up to school. Day after day I expected to feel his stares and continuous obsession with me. But I was let down. I don't know why his absence bothered me.

His absence allowed me to grow familiar with his brother that looked similar to him. Their facial features in itself were very alike. They were definitely fraternal twins. They had differences in their hair. Rowan had dark hair that reached his ears. His eyes weren't green like Mateo's. They were a deep blue colour. Heavy emphasis on the differences in their personalities too.

Rowan's friendly self could light up a room. It made me question what could have possibly happened to Rowan that made him be the way he was. It made me question whether his portion of happiness never got shared and it only ever went to Rowan in the womb, leaving Mateo with everything bitter and sad about life. Polar opposite twins. One that reflects light, while the other absorbs darkness.

My foot stepped onto my cold marble floor, leaving my steam filled shower. I wrapped my soft plush towel around me, having it be the only thing keeping me warm. The mirror was hazy and prevented me from seeing my reflection. I didn't need to see how I looked. I already knew. I opened the door to my bedroom, the air being brisk. My window was open, yet I was not the behind doing so. I always made an effort to never have my window open at night.

I stood still in my place. I was hesitant to go close it or move in general. The room was completely dark but I could see the silhouette of the broad body by my bed. They found entertainment in the photos on my nightstand.

"You can breathe." It was hard to hear them. Their low tone and bass made their voice far from clear. I guess I was so in shock that I had forgotten to breathe.

"Mateo?"

I wanted to feel relieved that it was just Mateo. But at the same time, Mateo was just a stranger to me. A mysterious peer that had refrained from creating friendships with anyone at school, unlike his brother. So, maybe I should have been worried. Especially since he had been anything but friendly with me. And every time he looked at me, he made it seem like he was fighting every urge in his body not tear me apart. Yet I somehow found comfort in him. I wanted to know why he was here, but I wanted to know where he had been for the past week. I could not help my worry, even though I barely knew him. Worry for the well-being of someone I was not accustomed to. But maybe because I knew that he had never had anyone worry for him before.

I tightened the grip of the towel around me. "You and your boyfriend still together?" I couldn't tell why he was asking. Because he saw me break down and was genuinely curious on the fall out of the matter? A small part of me wanted to believe it's cause he cared, but that was definitely not possible.

"What's it to you?" I sassed. He grinned, setting down my picture frame. He turned to me.

"Nothing actually," he snapped. "I just took you as something who doesn't take bullshit. I guess I can't be right about everything."

I tilted my head, wondering what could be wrong with him. Comes through my window only to say snarky remarks at me.

"You don't know me," I made clear. His tongue ran along his front teeth, eyeing me down like a meal waiting to be devoured. Savoury and sweet with the slightest pinch of spice.

"I'm convinced that you don't even know yourself," his boots thumped against my wooden floor boards as he brought himself closer. I found myself holding my breath again when his thumb slowly brushed against my jaw. He was taking in as many features as he could while being in the dark.

His small touch made me want him. I wanted to know more about him. What made his heart beat and what made his head tick. I wanted him to show himself to me and I don't even know why.

"You look just like her," he whispered to himself almost in awe. I could not question who or what he was talking about. Just wanting to continue to hear his voice speak. His eyes trailed along my body, making a mental map of everything he was feeling with his finger tips.

The back of my head was telling me to scream for my parents. Pressuring me to inform them of this strange man who was in my room. It was reminding me that although a cheater, I was still dating Ryan. But my heart was telling me to take advantage of this opportunity to get my revenge with Ryan. Even the playing field while being doing it with a man I was eager to understand.

"You were gone. Where did you go?" I stuttered out, my throat being choked for words. My nerves being completely obvious and he could tell. It made him feel powerful and in control. Our breathing patterns were matched from our chests touching.

"What's it to you?" He mocked my earlier comment with a deceiving smirk on his face.

I turned my head away, walking into my closet to change. "You honestly have a lot of nerve coming to my home, sorry, breaking into my home and showing me so much attitude. Twice now you have invaded my personal space and privacy. I'm tired of it. You need to get the fuck out." I had this wave of confidence come over me while dropping my towel and putting clothing on. "I'm not doing this with you and-" I was forced to stop when I left the closet, seeing he was nowhere to be seen.

Making my way to my window, I looked out in search for him and where he could have gone. But he was nowhere in sight. He had just vanished. Again.

The next day I had gone to school, anticipating the idea of seeing him. I made the assumption that his week long venture would remain a week and he would be back. For the only class I had with him, his usual seat remained empty. I wanted answers. Answers that I had no obligation to receive. Mateo owed me nothing, and maybe everything I was feeling was in my head.

"It's a stupid question, but did the egg or the bird come first?" Hadlee's eyes squinted. She was taking time to really think about the question at hand. The last thing on my mind was her child like question. My sights were on Rowan seated with friends on the further end of the cafeteria. Biting down on the insides of my cheeks, my knee bounced up and down.

"I have to go," I impulsively decided. I gathered my things into my bag and ignored my groups whining for me to stay.

I was making a straight bee line to the table with people I was never close with. They knew my name, but I had not made an effort to learn theirs. Rowan gained my attention, flashing me a large smile. Rowan and I did not share any classes, but knew Mateo and Rowan had definitely shared conversation about me.

"Hi," Rowan's teeth were perfectly shaped just like his jaw. Scooting to the side, he let me sit beside him at their table. I started off by greeting everyone before starting playful banter with Rowan. He was easy to talk to. Like talking to a friend I had always known. Conversation came easy with him.

"What's wrong with Mateo? I haven't seen him in a while," I brought up the question that was waiting at the tip of my tongue for me to say. His expression changed. He seemed upset. Not with me, but at something that seemed touchy. I wonder if he knows about Mateo showing up in my bedroom.

"What's not wrong with Mateo?" He joked, but there was something serious about his tone. "He's going through his own shit right now. Prefers to be alone when things get rough. If he said something offensive to you, just ignore it." What could he possibly be going through that allowed for Rowan to be so unfazed?

Hearing that tugged on my heart the slightest bit. Being alone while going through something rough.

"Do you mind telling him that I'm worried and hope he's okay?" My hair fell forward when I looked down at my hands that were nervously playing with each other.

"You're the last person he wants to hear from," he silently commented to himself. With wide eyes I looked at him. The idea of Mateo having this unprovoked hate for me was something that kept itching in my head. But I continuously scratched it away, because how could he hate me before knowing me? "I'll let him know," he spoke louder with a smile.