Sorry

eight

abia kamin

Incognito. Mateo did everything possible to avoid me. It seemed like I had really done something wrong and I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to let it bother me, but it did.

"Can we talk?"

His head turned away from the little friends he had made. Guys on the football team that he was forced to bond with. Hanging out with them was a chore for him.

"You wanna do this here?" Mateo's eyes trailed me up and down, biting his lip at the sight of me. A snack.

"Considering you've ignored my texts and calls, yeah," I shrugged, glancing at the guys behind him. They were friends of Ryan as well. I knew they would report back to Ryan about this. Lap dogs. Brainless men.

We left the school and made our way to the parking lot for privacy. He leaned against his truck, waiting for me to talk. But he was the one who had explaining to do.

"Did I do something wrong?" I crossed my arms, my books pressed against my chest. It was a stupid question.

"You could never do anything wrong, Kamin," he insisted despite his actions saying something else. A full 180 on me and he expected me to believe that nothing changed. Had he really just suddenly become uninterested in me? "I'm not the boyfriend type."

I just got out of a relationship with someone I had known a majority of my life. A boyfriend was the last thing on my mind. Mateo just happened to be a guy who was capable of being a good distraction from the pain and shame I was feeling every time I was alone.

"Look, I...my life is complicated. Not as black and white as it may appear. I had quite the past before you and it continues to haunt me everyday. And I'm still living out a lot of the consequences for my actions."

The days of seeing life as black and white were long gone. This crack in reality was slowly forming, allowing the impossible to suddenly turn possible. Nothing was beyond means.

"You have an issue with being very broad." Details were not his strong suit. Mateo liked things short and sweet, leaving room for a lot of interpretation. All he ever did was leave me on cliff hangers.

His green eyes looked at mine while his hands slid into his pockets. "I don't want you getting attached because I don't know how long I'm sticking around for." He always had an odd way of making it seem like he was doing things for my well being. For my safety. But really, he just used me as an excuse to be selfish.

"You're making it seem like you're leaving," I said and he looked away from me with a sigh. "I wish you'd just talk to me." It was stupid of me to say. His heart is cold and I know he doesn't care what I wish for. He owed me nothing.

"It's just not that easy, Kamin. There's some shit that you don't know about and I'm in no position to be opening that door up for you. Because once it's open, you can't shut it. And I would never willing put you through that."

I wanted to punch a wall. Nothing he said made sense and it only made me eager to know more. But I knew him. I know how he acts up when you apply too much pressure. He runs away from his problems instead of sticking around to fight them.

"I'm trying to protect you the only way I know how. And that's me leaving you be. I never intended for things to be this way," his hand went to the side of my face, making me lean in at his touch. His cold touch. Although not bringing me warmth, it brought me safety and comfort.

"Mateo..." I stumbled over my words, not knowing how to put how I felt into words. It felt like I was being thrown from an airplane with no parachute. Butterflies all over my stomach without the excitement and happiness that usually follows behind them.