Sorry

twenty six

abia kamin

Things progressed quickly. Both my parents were on edge and they took their stress out on my siblings rather than me. They barely spoke with me unless it was to ask who the father of my baby was and to tell me I was making a huge mistake.

"Are you upset with me?" I asked Rowan while we were seated in the backyard of his home. My feet dangled in the water of the pool. Since Mateo got back, things have been weird. But him and I grew close when Mateo was gone and I don't know what I would've done without him. I would hate for things to change.

"I could never be upset with you, Abia," his arm brushed against while he sat beside me.

"Things don't have to change between us."

He scoffed, splashing his feet around in the water. "Mateo would kill me if I showed you the same attention," he argued. I gulped at that idea. I wanted to deny that Mateo would kill his brother, but Rowan's statement wasn't far from the truth. I held his arm, resting my head on his shoulder.

"I'm grateful for you. I hope you don't think because he's back that your efforts have now gone unnoticed and unappreciated," I rubbed his arm while his hand went on my thigh.

"Now I know why he's obsessed with you," he muttered under his breath with a chuckle. "You're going to make an amazing mother."

I smiled at his comment. "You can come with us. I think Mateo needs you. He won't say it, but he loves you and likes having you around." All I could think of was the letter I read at the storage unit—his suicide note. Mateo would never say it out loud, but he loves his brother.

"Mateo doesn't love anything other than you. He doesn't even love himself. He doesn't have enough to spare for me. And he'd never let me be around you and his baby knowing how I feel about you," he told me as my eyebrows scrunched together. The words left his lips so easily that I thought I had made it up. "I wanted you first. Before I even saw you at school I saw you going for a run and I knew I wanted you. But I also knew you were exactly what Mateo needs. He was in a dark place for a long time and has a lot of healing to do. He doesn't think he deserves anything good because of past mistakes that he's made, but he does. You're something good and I wasn't going to fight with my brother over the first person that he's shown interest in in the past two decades. I'm strong enough to let you go and be happy with someone else. Mateo isn't. He needs you, not me."

I stared at my feet in the water, doing my best to process his words. I never thought there was a world where Rowan had feelings for me. He was always kind to me but I never thought anything of it. I hadn't known that this entire time he cared for me more than just friends.

"But you and-"

"I like Hadlee. She's sweet but things will never be more than what they are now. My heart doesn't belong to her," he stated before I sighed because I didn't know what to say. His hand went to my stomach, using his thumb to stroke it. "Mateo will take care of you. He'll take care of her too. I know he wouldn't let anything happen to you guys," his lips met the top of my head.

I lifted my head away from him when the back door slid open. We quickly detangled ourselves, creating a small distance.

"Hey," Rowan turned around to Hadlee who came
outside with a smile.

"There you are," she sat on his other side and kissed his cheek. Seeing them together felt off now that I knew the truth. "We're going to be late for the beach party. Are you coming, A?" She innocently asked, forgetting my stomach is now showing.

"Most definitely not. But you guys have fun," I pulled my feet from the water to dry off. I waved bye then headed into the house. Mateo had left to run errands with Isabelle which left just Vivienne and I.