Sorry

five

abia kamin

The loud music thumped in my ears, sending vibrations throughout my body. For the first time in a while I felt relaxed and at ease. I was able to let loose with several people who were all trying to do the same thing. That's what parties are for. Not drama. Not heartbreak. To have a good time that you hope you are sober enough to remember the next day.

I opened my eyes, hands taking control of my waist from behind. It used to be routine for Ryan and I to always show up to events together. We were two peas in a pod. Any time you invited one of us, you were also inviting the other. But in the process of slowly distancing myself from him, I did not tell him of my plans to show up here. Our friend group was near to the same though, so I knew he would show up eventually.

"Abia, we need to talk."

Nothing in life was going as I originally planned. It felt like everything was slowly crashing down on me and I could not breathe. Basic things I used to do, I was reminded that Ryan and I used to do them together all the time. Everything reminded me of him and I hated it. I wanted to have one night to enjoy myself. One night with no worry. And all it took was Ryan's words to ruin it all.

"I would rather not," I kept my voice loud so he could hear over the music. The lights were dim, allowing for us to all crowd together to create a dance floor.

Holding the glass bottle in hand, I removed the cork, letting the tequila run down my throat with a sting. A sting that was hypnotic and left you wanting more.

"You don't answer my texts. You avoid me at school. We are going to talk," he demanded, grabbing my arm and dragging me through the crowd until we got outside. I had resistance, not making it an easy pull. But he was much bigger than me and it was no use.

"Ryan, stop you're hurting me," I yanked my body, not expecting for his grip to be so loose. My body fell onto the pavement, the bottle in my hands smashing onto the ground. Catching my fall with hands, I set them down. My knee scraped the cement ground and hands were punctured by the shattered glass. But Ryan shared no interest in addressing my injuries.

"What's going on? You don't talk to me anymore."

I was loose, feeling like a feather floating through the air. "What's going on? How can you stand here and act like you haven't been c-cheating on me?"

It was the first time I had said it aloud since my break down with Mateo. I did not want it to be real. But it was, and I needed to face it head on.

His face dropped. He was caught. "Baby, it's not like that. I swear." He went on, explaining how everything was not as it appeared to be. I expected for him to contest and give me some lousy excuse, but instead he chose to lie.

"You are...you are disgusting. Lying to me when I know what I saw," I struggled onto my feet, leaning onto the side of the house behind me to keep my balance. The world was spinning and my knees and hands hurt.

"Listen baby, I-"

"I don't want to fucking hear it! I don't want anything to do with you! I-I hate you. Don't talk to me. Don't call me. Don't text me. Don't even fucking look at me, you liar!" All my pain was coming through my voice, yet he was the one crying. Crying like he was not the one behind why we could no longer be together. A life without each other was something we had never done. It seemed scary. But I was done being taken advantage of. He made me look stupid. He made me feel insignificant. You don't do that to someone you love.

"I need you, Abia. Please don't do this," he reached to touch me, but I shoved him away. Again he tried, but he would not let things be. In his mind, physical touch was what I needed to realize that I was making a mistake. Even through my asking for him to stop, he still kissed me, expecting for me to feel the spark I once did. But there was nothing there.