Sorry

nineteen

abia kamin

If you didn't know any better, at school you'd assume Mateo and I don't know each other. We rarely talk and he sits at a table with other football players. Their table now includes Jay and Ryan which is weird because they used to sit with Hadlee, Renai and I, but I can't complain.

"Have I mentioned how amazing vampire sex is?" Hadlee's voice was quiet while we held our trays, slowly going down the cafeteria line to add food.

"Only about nine times today. But that's less than your usual ten times," Renai muttered, bringing an apple onto her tray. Hadlee enjoys reminding us that she has exhilarating sex with Rowan. I've become numb to her words.

"Well, it's amazing. How's sex with Mateo? He's got those cold eyes, I think I would like to see that in bed with Rowan. What are Mateo's kinks? He seems like the foot fetish type," Hadlee loosely ran her lips. I didn't want to talk about sex with Mateo, let along in our school cafeteria. Why was she so curious about my sex with Mateo? I ignored her and was happy to see that she took the hint. My grip on my tray tightened when someone squeezed my waist from behind. I know Mateo wouldn't do that at school.

"Mind if I budge the line?" Ryan questioned and I looked up at his puppy dog eyes. The eyes that used to get me to do anything for him. They're manipulative eyes.

"Yes actually I do," I turned to the lunch ladies in the back, taking the food they had to offer—fish and chips. I'm not sure about how great the fish would be, but I'd take the chips.

"Remember when things used to not be awkward with us and we could all sit at the same lunch table and have really good laughs," Ryan was choosing the wrong time to have this conversation with me. I kept quiet because I wanted him to go away. I thought if I was quiet that he would leave me alone. "We used to be best friends, A. We did everything together. You were my other half."

I turned around to look at him. I was fuming and I was doing everything possible to hold in my anger. But I couldn't. "You don't get to do this to me. You don't get to have this conversation like you're not the one who was fucking our teacher and cheated on me and tried to...you know what you did!" I couldn't control the level of my voice. "The audacity you have is unbelievable. You ruined things, not me. So keep reminiscing on the past. Hopefully it helps you realize how much you fucked up," I shoved my tray into his stomach before letting it go and leaving the cafeteria. The crash caused everyone to look. I'm never one to cause a scene like that in public but he pissed me off. I had every right to be mad.

It's like we had two completely different views of our relationship. I wanted him to want me so bad. I put so much effort in and although my efforts never went unappreciated, they weren't enough to make him truly want me. He wanted a guaranteed date to the dance. He wanted someone cheering him on for his football games. He wanted someone to post and act like the perfect couple. But he didn't necessarily want me. I wanted him. I wanted it to work. It makes me angry that if he hadn't cheated, I would've let things continue on. And now that he's completely lost me, he's realizing everything that he misses. They say you never miss it until it's gone and I guess it's true.

I landed outside in the courtyard where there was a table for me to sit at. I'm happy Ryan misses me and I'm happy he's suffering. It's what he deserves after what he put me through. It's been months and he's still reminiscing.

"I'm not that hungry anyway, so we can share," Hadlee placed her tray down when she sat across from me while Renai sat beside me. I smiled at them, happy that they came out here.

"FYI, I have never liked Ryan," Renai pointed at me and I rolled my eyes. There's no lie there and I couldn't even argue with her.

It was sunny and I'm hoping the warmth could cheer me up. Hadlee was enjoying it the most. She stared at it like it didn't burn her eyes. She let it completely absorb into her skin. After turning into a vampire, she no longer takes it for granted. Hadlee is different now. I hated it at first. Although she's never had a shell, it feels like she's broken out of her shell and is her full self. Being a vampire doesn't seem bad. Why was Rowan so opposed to it?