polarize ~ tyler joseph fanfiction

Nine

TRIGGER WARNING : SELF HARM AND CAR CRASH

The screeches of the road.
The headlights and broken glass.
The blood trickling down his face.
The cuts and scrapes on my arms.
I remembered it all so well.

We had been going to a restaurant, just the two of us, like a classic relationship day. It was supposed to be our bonding day...but it didn't happen.

Tears welled in my eyes as I replayed the accident in my mind again and again.

I could barely see the beaten up truck whizzing past our Honda before we were lodged in a tree trunk. But I can clearly remember Dad's last words.

"Stay strong, Olivia. You have a whole life ahead of you, make it yours."

At that point, I couldn't hold it in any longer. We had so much going for us, we had such a strong tie, and this 50 year old drunk took it all away from us!

Wet, glossy tears streamed down my face, seemingly unending. I look down at the scars from the window shield glass cutting me, and ask myself, should I make another one?

I think of the way my dad urgently put his arm across my chest to protect me from the airbag and the way his head his the steering wheel. I remember his cries of pain.

My marvelous, brave dad. In pain. It was the worst thing to watch. I was so useless... I couldn't help my own father out of this pain... I couldn't do anything but call 911. I was so irrelevant.

More tears cleansed my face and I grabbed my make up bag. I don't know if it's worth it, but I have to see and figure out.

I rummage through the pale pink bag, finally finding a shaver. I slowly dismember it, placing one of the blades on the ground and the other in my left hand.

Here goes nothing
~~~
I carefully wrap the gauze around my wrist and pull down the wrist brace before leaving the bathroom. It was solid way to hide what had just happened.

I walk around the empty bus, skimming my finger tips along everything. I smile sadly at a family picture in the mini kitchen, running my hand over where I'd just broken skin.

I walked on to the next place, distracting myself. I carefully tiptoed in the music room Tyler showed me two nights ago, careful to not move anything.

I sit where he'd sat, at the piano, before noticing a moccasin journal leaning against the stand.

I furrowed my eyebrows, thinking of what it could possibly be. I run my fingers across its bumpy surface, before opening the cover.

On the first page, in scribbled writing, it read "Tyler Joseph".

This must be his song book! I immediately close the cover, abruptly standing up from my seat. That's his personal space, where he kept everything.

My eyes wonder from my spot on the wall back to the book, and I can't help but think of what it possibly says in that book. I stretch my arm out again, nearly picking it up, but a noise coming from outside stops that action.

Thank God that had stopped me, I have no self control.

Obviously...

I scurried out of the room to find Josh grabbing an extra pair of drumsticks.

"Hey! There you are! Want to come listen to us warmup?" He asks.

"Sure." I reply with a smile. Maybe this would clear my dangerous mind.