polarize ~ tyler joseph fanfiction

Sixteen

"Thanks for the ride." I mutter quietly. I feel the air thicken so I begin picking at my cuticles as a distraction from what is real. "Can you turn on the radio?" I ask.

"No." Josh replies, taking me by surprise. "We need to talk." Those words alone terrified me, let alone the thought of more awkward, uncomfortable situations occurring.

"W-what about?" I stutter as my heart beats wildly.

"You know what about, 'Livia. What happened?" He asks, his eyes fleeing the road to meet mine.

"Pay attention." I order, hoping to distract him and guilt trip his recklessness. He shakes his head, his gaze returning back to the streets. "It was nothing, anyways." I tell him, unable to avoid the question all together.

"Obviously is was something!" Josh replies, his voice slightly raising. "You were in the hospital for Pete's sake! The least I deserve is to know what happened, it's unfair that I'm left lost."
I don't reply, looking out my window.

Suddenly the car is turning, stopping at an abandoned parking lot.

Josh, what are you doing?

"'Livia." He says. I can tell he's leaning forward by the warmth that's filled the stiff air.
"'Livia." He repeats. I ignore him hoping he'll give up and take us to the hotel.
"Olivia!" He nearly yells, obviously fed up with me. I jump at the loud sound, wrapping my arms around my shoulders.

"Leave me alone." I tell him.

"I want to know- no- I need to know what happened to you, Olivia!" He pleads, a gentle hand resting atop mine.

"It's not like you care, Josh." I spit back, brushing his light hand away. "You've just been yelling at me lately. It's like you're my new dad, newsflash, you can't replace him." Josh is quiet, obviously struck by my words.
"Josh-I didn't mean to-" I begin, cut off.

"No, I never yell, 'Livia. You know that. And lately, I've been yelling a lot. That is proof that I'm worried, that I'm stressed." He tells me, his hands shaking on the console. "I'm being unusual because I care, don't you understand? It's hurting me that I don't know what's hurting you." He explains, his voice thickening with each word.

"It's so horrible to say out loud..." I trail off, my pale hands rubbing my thin thighs. "It's... disgusting." I inform him, shaking my head slowly.

"Can you write it?" He asks, opening the compartment door.

"I don't think I'd ever be able to write again if I do." I reply, placing my hand on his to close the door. A shock of electricity sends me shivering. He pulls out his phone, handing it to me.

"Type it."

I nod slowly, typing in Josh's typical pass code. '4579.'

My hands tremble as I open notes, and I know this will be the most painful thing that's ever happened to me. I can feel Josh's eyes on me as my thumbs hover of the virtual keyboard, watching my every flicker.

I lift my right thumb, lightly clicking the 'I.' Sadly, it was so light the phone didn't pick it up and I had to try again.

I slowly manage to type 'I was' in the course of two minutes, left to fight with the last word.

My left thumb lightly strokes 'r', words like 'really' and 'right' surfacing as a suggestion.
I hit 'a' and my eyes linger at the suggestions 'random' and 'radio.'

Josh must not have been able to see what I was typing because he seemed as chill as ice, other than the fact the suspense was killing him from the inside out.

My lower lip quivers as I hit the 'p', the simple five-lettered word nearly completely.

You can't tell him like that, over technology!

The voice in the back of my head yelled at me, and for once in my life the voice made sense.
I lift my head, tears filling my eyes as I look deeply into Josh's chocolate brown eyes.
My voice comes out tiny and quiet, like a helpless little girl. His eyes widen as the words spill.
"I was raped."