polarize ~ tyler joseph fanfiction

Fourteen

By the time Josh had arrived, my vision was blurred and my thoughts were wild. I clawed at my own skin, raging wars inside myself. The nurse holds me down and I can't stand the feeling of her cold warmth on my peeling skin.

"What's wrong with her?" Josh questions quickly, rushing to my side.

"I think she is having a panic attack, she-" I know the nurse is about to explain the incident so I quickly wrap my hand around her thin lips.

"J-Josh," I stuttered, my shoulders shaking. "Please leave the room." He stares
into my eyes, depicting the meaning of my chosen words. I incline my head towards the door, raising my eyebrows.

He quietly trudges out of the room, closing the thick door behind him.

"You cannot tell him," I tell the nurse, placing my hands on her shoulders, "I can't handle it."
She shook her head at me, "You can't hold this to yourself, it's unhealthy." She informs me, stepping away.

It is somewhat sickening to think only Wires and I would know about this, possibly Wires demonic friends, too.

No! I can't let her absurd words get to me- I am absolutely, completely fine!

I continue to tell myself these encouraging words, building myself up piece by piece. I am smiling by the time the door reopens.

All is okay until I see his face, smothered in worry, layered with questions. My smile drops and my heart breaks, shattering in thousands of pieces.

"O-Olivia?" He asks, approaching me slowly. "You okay?"

I sit a minute, telling myself to nod my head. I was okay...right? I looked up at him, taking one look into his cinnamon brown eyes before melting in on myself and sobbing uncontrollably.

I curl myself into a fetal position, wrapping my scrawny arms around myself. I feel my chest rise and fall quickly, and a light hand touch my rib cage. Suddenly my hyperventilating episode pauses, taking in his stroke. I shake slightly, surprised by how fast he was to comfort me.

His hand stays on my still side, slowly rising away. The ghostly warmth still lingers around the site and I start replaying the moment that happened merely seconds early. I angle my head away from my arms, looking up at him.

"Just sleep." Tyler tells me, risking a small smile.
~~~
I wake up to fingers brushing through my hair, callused tips lightly scraping against my skin. It sends shivers down my spine, causing the hand to flee.

I hear a small mutter of apology, causing me to widely smile. I flip over to my other side, looking at him.

"Where's Tyler?" He shrugs, his gaze not leaving me. His facial expression looks of anguished, upset and troubled.

"You okay?" I ask, playing with the hospital sheets. He shrugs again, this time looking up to the ceiling. I squint at him, trying to distinguish what is occurring. I open my mouth to speak, but I know I shouldn't nag.

He looks at his hands in his lap, fidgeting. He places his elbows on his knees, leaning forward and closer to me.

"Wanna tell me what happened last night?" My eyes widen at his straight forward question and I can't manage a single sound.

"Excuse me?" I ask, my eyes darting everywhere but him.

"Well, let me tell you what happened to me and Tyler last night. We finished playing the show and when we went backstage, you weren't there. Of course, we had to go meet fans so we couldn't look for you, but your purse, your phone and your pass were in the dressing room. "

"Josh I-" I begin.

He holds up a hand, proceeding. "We assumed you'd come back by the time we were done meeting fans- but you didn't. We were worried sick, Olivia. Then suddenly at two AM we get a call informing us you were in the hospital."

I'm left breathless by the emotions he'd expressed, anxiety and anger lacing his words like ribbon. His brows furrowed, his hands clasped. I sit in silence, thinking of an unrevealing way to respond.

"I don't know what to tell you, I apologize?" I genuinely ask, shrugging.

"You can start by telling me- what happened, Olivia!" He slightly yells, jumping up from his seat. "We're in an unfamiliar city, we didn't know where you were! After everything that just happened, I can't imagine more happening to you! Why are you in the hospital? Where did you go? Why did you leave?" He spits out a slur of questions, waving his thick arms wildly.

I choke out the one simple word I know his tender heart can't resist. "Sorry..."