Fix You

13

Mika

"Alam nyo girls, we should do this more often, pero di ganung kaaga." Nice said from the back seat.

"Yeah, it's nice kaya everytime the three of us hangout." Bianca agreed from beside me.

They are waiting for me to say something, but I have nothing to say.

I feel like the biggest bitch. I feel like a trash. I feel so fake and disgusting.

I can still see Kiefer's face in my mind.

He looks like he's trying to be brave. He looks like he's trying to act like it didn't bother him that I gave him the cold shoulder.

He is closing himself off from me and it kills me to see it and not have a way to do anything about it without hurting him.

Tapos kinain pa nya yung muffin and I panicked. Hindi dahil dapat sakin yon pero kasi that muffin is obviously filled with sugar and then nainom pa sya ng coffee.

Nag-panic talaga ako when he took his first bite.

Wala akong masyadong alam sa diabetes, or Kiefer's form of diabetes specifically, but I know sugar is no good for him. God knows what could happen to him.

Okay maybe I am being OA pero kasi the thought na baka may masamang mangyari sa kanya, di kayang i-process ng utak ko.

I really care for him.

My conversations with him only had been within the coffee shop, but I connected with him more than I have my two bestfriends who were in this very car with me.

It's strange but it happened, and I couldn't fight it. I don't want to fight it.

And it is because I care about him kaya hindi ko sya nilapitan kanina sa coffee shop. That may sound stupid and ironic, but it was what I thought is best for the situation.

I know enough of Kiefer to know that he doesn't like having the attention on him.

Kung nilapitan ko sya, for sure magtatanong si Bianca and Nice kung paano namin nakilala ang isa't-isa.

Kiefer doesn't want his business to be put out there for everyone to know. He is a very private person, and I feel honored that he is letting me in and ayokong masira yung trust na binibigay nya saken by introducing him with my bestfriends if that isn't something he wanted.

I know he doesn't like interrogations.

If I brought Bianca and Nice over there, magtatanong lang sila ng magtatanong. I know them enough to know that.

My only fear is that Kiefer thought I was embarrassed to be seen with him.

That is not true. Hinding-hindi magkakatotoo yon.