Fix You

35

                 

Kiefer

Where will I be without my girls?

I will not exist.

That is the simple answer. But they really make everything so much better for me since I'm still a vulnerable human forced to face life.

Life sucks. That's a fact. But they made it worthwhile.

Mika is running her hand through my hair.

Sometimes she will just run it from the front of my head to the back or she will run her fingernails along my scalp and sometimes she even twirls my hair in between her fingers.

No matter what she does, it feels good.

I have my head on her lap and I am holding her hand over my shoulder.

I looked at the TV but I wasn't really paying any attention to the movie Mika has on. She apparently is very into it. She's lucky I love her, that's all I can say.

Because I swear if I hear one more cheesy line from those mediocre actors, I will not be holding responsible for my actions.

Mika is watching The Notebook, not that I hate the movie, but I watched this once and I'm not the type of guy who watch things like this over and over again. Again, I have nothing against the movie.

Well maybe this is because I'm a guy. I can't change that fact. Well technically I guess I can, but yeah... not happening. I like being a dude.

We're just waiting for Kierra to finish up with her bath, after she's done, I'll put her to bed and then I planned on telling Mika everything.

I feel better than I did before.

I have an episode, but it was minor. I felt like it came and went in a couple of minutes and I felt mostly the aftershocks of it.

But with a little Kierra and Mika treatment, I was back to normal... sort of.

I'm still thinking about what Mr. Tan had said.

He told me going to meet them would be the best and maybe it would have been, but there is no way I would go see them. I can't.

I know if I lay my eyes on them once, I will instantly have some kind of episode.

If I meet them at a monitored place, everyone there will know I am unfit to raise Kierra. Maybe I am, and having Kierra living with me is wrong, but I can't imagine not having her, so I decided to be selfish.

And what closure? They need some closure? Para saan?

I believe they both lost their right getting what they wanted when Papa stabbed me and Mama sided with him afterwards.

That is an inhuman action for me, so they should have their rights taken from them. But obviously what I said doesn't matter anymore.

"Manong!" Kierra called, she's at the top of the stairs.

I got up from lying down at the sound of her voice.

I looked over to Mika and she gave me a small smile. I kissed the side of her head.

"I'll be right back. Mabilis lang." I said.

"Sure, take your time." She said.