Clandestine

fifty eight

I wake up to a pounding headache and a weak stomach. Why did I think it was a good idea to drink last night?

I stand and sway on my feet. Rosalina and Carlotta are still asleep on the floor. I stumble to my bed and sit down.

It all comes rushing back to me.

I told Rosalina and Carlotta last night that my mother knew that I knew she killed Alan Tinsley. They know why I have been grounded. After struggling to keep the secret for so long, a single night of drinking is enough to ruin it.

I'm a little relieved that they know. It's one less secret between our friendship.

But the rest of me is guilty all the way to the pit of my stomach. That's two more people that know. Two more people that could decide to turn my mother in. Two more people that could tear apart my family.

Carlotta rolls over in her sleep and slings a leg across Rosalina. Rosalina blinks awake and throws Carlotta's leg off of her, sputtering half-hearted curses. This causes her to wake up and soon both of them are sitting up, blinking in the late morning light.

Do they remember? Maybe the drinking was enough to wash the night from their memories.

I'm not that lucky. Carlotta squints at me, and then frowns.

She says, "So I'm remembering something from last night. But I can't figure out if it's just a vivid dream or if it actually happened."

I say, "What is it?" Desperately hoping it's something ridiculous that never happened.

"Did you spill the truth last night?" She asks.

Rosalina nods, "I remember that too. It definitely happened."

Carlotta's face drains of color. "So your mother knows that we saw that video? She knows that you and I broke into her office?"

I say, "Yeah. She apparently had cameras in her office."

Carlotta curses.

"I don't think she's mad at you. I don't think she even mentioned you. She was more angry at me."

Rosalina raises an eyebrow, "It's no wonder that you are grounded."

I nod and we fall silent.

We lie around in darkness for an hour, trying to fight off our hangover with sheer will. Instead, my mother barges into the room at around noon.

She surveys us with a wrinkled nose. "Why are your friends still here, Julia? I didn't give them permission to stay the night."

"I'm sorry. I didn't really mean for it to happen. We just kind of fell asleep."

"You fell asleep because you were drinking. Even though I specifically told you not to. This reflects badly on me, Julia, that my daughter and her friends got drunk at my political party. There were a lot of important people there, you know."

I lower my head. I'm sorry, but every word from her shrill voice sends a stab of pain into the back of my skull. "I know, I'm sorry. I won't let it happen again."

"You're right. It won't happen again. Because your friends won't be allowed at any of my parties again."

I open my mouth to protest, but my mother says, "This is what you get for not following the rules. You've gone too long without being punished for this. Maybe next time you should consider the rules before you decide to mindlessly break them."

Carlotta and Rosalina sit in silence. It must be horrible for them to just sit there while we argue over them, but there's nothing I can do.

My mother says, "I want them out of our house in ten minutes. I gave you a break in the rules and I see where that got us. We just won't be able to do such a break again. Understand?"

I nod.

She leaves.

Carlotta and Rosalina stumble to their feet and apologize to me. I just shake my head and say it's my fault. We are all at fault We shouldn't have been that stupid.

Carlotta and Rosalina stagger out of my house and into their car. I send a staff member to drive them home. They don't even try to argue with that as they lie down in the back seat.

I wave them goodbye, wondering when the next time I'll be able to see them and wishing the last time wasn't when I was still half drunk.

I go inside and run into my mother sitting at the table. It's clear she's waiting for me.

She opens her computer and motions for me to sit down next to her. I want nothing more to just go back to my room and sleep. But I sit down and don't squint or sway and do my best to appear the least hungover as possible.

My mother plays a video on her computer. The room is dark, and I can barely make out the people inside.

I stiffen.

It's my room. It's Carlotta, Rosalina, and I.

Last night.

We are having a giggled, slurred conversation.

I hear myself on the screen mumble away my secrets. About my mother killing the man. About that being the reason that I was grounded. We giggle for a while and the conversation changes.

Something hardens in my stomach. I'm not sure if it's guilt or anger or fear or all three.

My mother clicks off the video.

"Anything you would like to say?" She says.

"You have a camera in my room?"

"It seems like it was a good idea, doesn't it? It appears that I can't trust you."

I just stare at her.

She says, "It appears that I need to go back to see what else you've done to betray me. What else will I find when I go back through the videos of your room?"

I keep my face blank and just stare at her.

Because I know what she will find.

Me hacking into her computer files.

Me finding the death date for Diane.

Me spending hours talking on the phone with Diane.

Me telling Diane how angry she made my mother.

Me betraying the loyalty of the family.