Thoughts of a Million Stars

Commitments

Since those times, commitments have gone out of my vocabulary. I am afraid of being too much attached to anyone, afraid of having someone who'd cry when I'm not present. After all, it is not bad being not committed to anybody neither with special someone nor a friend. Not having someone who would care so much is actually better for me. Consciece runs through me even if I'm not the one to blame. I always felt guilty of hurting someone by making them misunderstood my actions. More than friends but less than romance, more like a sister but never the best friend, less than stranger but not actually friends. Sorry for making such actions that made you, people, misunderstood it. I'm afraid of such things so I practically go out of the way immediately that made you, people, wonder and curious about it. I'm kind of such a selfish person in a way that for me not to get hurt in the future so badly, chooses to be just a fair friend without any commitments, promises and anything. Saying SORRY is the least I can do for my unreasonable thinking. I'm such a bull headed little kid, doing things I want, afraid to get hurt any longer, I just have to fix myself and in order for me to do that is to be with people with less hustle in life, those people who even in pain manages to smile and keep looking forward for a better lifestyle.  Another side of me is telling me to trust those people who loves me but how am I able to do that if I can't able to trust myself first? No one could blame for ending up like this, because somehow, they, too, had their part of making kme like this. But now there's a difference because I choose to be better. It's kind of hard but just let me see in my own two eyes how much you, people care for me. Not just by words, neither only actions, but by both. Just please trust me that I can do this on my own because the more you, people insist, the more I would resist.