Thoughts of a Million Stars

Bakit Nayon? Ba't hindi pa Noon?!

I thought my tears would fall. I thought I would be broken. I thought I would break down and cry as well, but NO! I am able to manage the situation. He sobs, then he cries. My heart was out cold! Yes its is! I didn't expect it to be yet it did. He said he loves me, WHAT NOW? I knew he's sincere yet it doesn't seem to affect me. I don't know why. Bakit ngayon? Ba't hindi pa noon? Bakit ngayon kung kelan naging ganito ang sistema ko? I did not expect myself to be like this but I kinda like it. Through this I am free of pain. I felt some suffocation from within but there's really nothing going on my mind and soul. Everything is empty and I just can't blame myself from being like this. It just happens. Anyway, as I have said earlier, I kinda like it. Honestly I like it even more. The urge to feel nothing is addictive. I'm beginning to love it actually. We're better off this way! I feel nothing. Not even guilt nor being sorry. You are just. . . . .I don't know. ewan ko. And for that, I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to but it happens. Wala na akong magagawa. No, meron pala, for now gusto ko lang walang gawin. I am so sick and tired of everything and the most sickening part is that, there is no one to back me up. No one except God. I have plenty to say and I hate to say this but I think hanggang dito nalang muna. My heart is pounding really hard and fast right now. Hahahahha mukhang sariling katawan ko na ang nagrereact, anyway hayaan mo nalang siya, epal eh! Let it be. Yeah right, just let everything be. >.