Thoughts of a Million Stars

You Said

You said you would be here for me. In times when I probably needed someone to hold on to, you said you'd grasp for my hand and give a helping hand. When I felt like trembling in fear, you said you'd offer your shoulders for me to lean. When nobody's there to stood by my side and make me feel comfortable enough that I won't feel the rudeness of the world, you said you would be right by my side. BUT HELL NO! You're not even there on my darkest hour. Not even in any second. Anyways, it is not your responsibility, I understand. I don't wanted you to be there either, I just thought you would be because YOU SAID SO! Someone told me I'm hopeless, Yes, I am. It is not that I don't trust you, but I have no hopes of you being right next to me. I'm not saying goodbye to you coz you were never there for me, I am just a damn fool to believe that you were. Right from the very start you have no idea of how I feel, you never knew what happened and up until now, you knew nothing. I am a retarded damn kid to have false hope, but now I know. Seems like I've woke up from a very long sleep. Thanks to what have happened. Even to my last breathe, I'd prefer not telling anyone how I feel. For those who care, well then this would be some sort of a punishment; the hell I care? Cry all you want for me. But this heart of mine is locked up and so I have totally isolated myself. I don't hold any grudge for anybody, not even to him. I am the pilot of my life, I do what I do. I've been so lovely, caring, cheerful and etc. But yes, I have changed, not me but my attitude and maybe perspective as well. I won't be crying for anybody especially to you. I don't know but I seem to have lost my senses. And yes, I'm being rude so just stop caring about it, about ME, actually. You never promised me anything, but atleast you have said something. That's one thing I can barely accept. You should have not told me anything. I didn't expect nor hope for you to do so, but at least I believe in you. My mistake. Again. So what else can I do? Even to believe would be pretty much hard for me to do. By the way, no heart feelings. It's fine.