His Heart's Love (Book 3 in His Heart's Series)

Chapter 26

Andi

I kissed the top of Faith's head before turning to head out of her room.

"She's exhausted," I said to Ethan.

He simply looked at me....

He looked at me with pain-filled eyes.

"Come," he said. "I need to talk to you."

I nodded.

He was making me nervous.

"Ethan, what's wrong?" I asked as we walked inside his study.

He turned towards me with tears in his eyes.

Ethan

I turned around and faced Andi with tears in my eyes.

I walked towards her and stopped just a few inches away.

"Can I hold you?" I forced through my tears.

She frowned in question.

"Ethan..."

"Please, sweetheart... Can I just hold you?" I asked again.

"I really need to hold you right now," I said.

I pulled her into my arms and hugged her tight.

I closed my eyes tight, tears rolling down my face.

"I love you so much," I sobbed. "So, so much."

"Ethan you're scaring me," she said, her own voice cracking.

I hugged her tighter to me, knowing this might be the last time I will get the chance to hold her.

A few moments later, I forced myself to let her go.

I took a few deep breaths, trying to control my emotion.

I wiped her tears away and forced out a smile.

"I get it," I whispered brokenly. "I get it now, Ands. And I am so sorry."

"Get what?" She asked.

"Tonight I finally did what I've been avoiding since I found you. It took Leo to make me stop acting like a selfish prick to really see what I've done—still doing to you. I look at you, but I haven't really been looking at you all this time because, I was afraid that I was going to see the depth of your pain, the pain I caused. I was afraid to see it because I didn't want to lose you. I wanted to believe that I can still win you back. But tonight, I finally looked at you and what I saw killed me," I broke off. "I killed your light, Ands," I trailed off, as tears escaped my eyes.

"Ethan..." she said tearfully.

"I took everything from you when I left, and while you may not believe this, I left everything with you when I left. I'm the reason for both of our pain and suffering.  A part of me wanted to deny the depth of that pain. I didn't want to recognize it because deep inside I knew... I knew I'd have to do what I'm about to."

"Ethan, I don't know what you want me to say."

"I heard you laugh today, but it wasn't your laugh. I saw you smile, but it didn't reach your eyes. It wasn't your smile. One that makes your eyes sparkle. One that can light up the whole room. When you look at me, you look at me with pain when you used to look at me with happiness."

"It hurts to be around you Ethan. It hurts to look at you. Every time you're around and I see you, I'm reminded of that morning and the days that followed. I wish I didn't feel that way, but I do."