The Fix

Chapter 11

I was about to explode! I needed my mom to give me her undivided attention, so i did what I knew best "Mommy, I'm hungry can you make my favorite?" Without hesitation she turned to me and says " of course baby". I loved my mom but, she had a bad thing with being side tracked "Okay, let me make sure I have everything I need for the meatballs" I felt the vomit reach my throat, I swallowed hard. "Ma... I. I have something that's been bothering me" I could have chosen better words but I just needed to get this out. My mom dropped the ground sirloin and pork she was taking out of the freezer. " who the fuck did it!?" She startled me, I didn't expect her to react that way. "I did it... It's me Ma, it's.... It's these urges to have sex, these impulses, the depression the anxiety" the tears just flowed freely, I didn't wipe one away my mom softened up " Mom, I understand you were 16. And I know that you did your best but, I got raped, and molested and mom it fucked me up. I can't seem to get right, and I hate myself for my actions" my mom grabbed me and held me as I bawled, I know I was looking ugly, but I didn't care. My mom has blamed herself for years for what happened to me when I was younger, she was trying to raise two babies all by herself, she was 16 when she had us, and our father got murdered in a bad drug deal so my mom took over. No one knew she did it, but my Momma was a QueenPen. But even with the toughest mother, she was a kid with no help.

My mama held me as I cried I felt a sudden weight lift off my shoulders I felt free but was I really free? Then I begin to think bout Jason how was I gonna explain him to my mama how would she feel bout him? My mama knew I'd zoned out cause she snapped her fingers in front of my face. "Elise Did You Hear Me?" I snapped back to reality & looked at my mama. "I'm Sorry What Did You Say?" She smiled at me & shook her head. "I Said That I'm Sorry For Everything." Hearing my mama apologize brought tears to my eyes because I thought that I never would hear it & I knew that she meant it, I hugged my mama & sat down at the kitchen table while she cooked I thought bout how I was going to explain bout Jason that's only if Dennis hadn't told already because he's the only one who knows bout Jason & my mama's the type of woman who knows stuff but won't say anything bout it until she's ready dear god I hope Dennis didn't tell I wasn't quite ready to explain bout Jason & how we met but I would eventually have to so I'm gonna just sit back & think bout how I'm going to explain this, Dennis walks in the kitchen & sits down across from me I lean back in the chair close my eyes & begin to think then I hear Dennis talking to me. "So Sis How's Jason Why Didn't He Come With You?" My eyes immediately open & I look bat Dennis then at mama my mama turns around. "Elise Who's Jason?" I shoot Dennis an I hate you look. "Umm?" Damnmit what am I gonna do now?