The Fix

Chapter 28

With everything going so good, I subconsciously awaited the bad to come. I waited for the nightmares, I awaited the urges, I know I had this itch and I needed Jason. I rubbed my scars, rubbed my memories and wondered, why? Why, was I still here? What was my purpose? I wrote endless pages of self destruction in my journal. I became angry with no one. I had so much hatred in my heart, and I couldn't figure out why. In the morning, I ran to Ms. Simms and told her that I may need stronger meds or intensified therapy. " Elise, look at me" "Okay" I sat and looked. " Elise, you're suppressing something, and until you come clean and are honest with yourself, all of this medication and therapy will be for nothing, a waste of time and energy. Go back to your room and meditate. And, don’t look at me like that." She smiled, a smile of encouragement and wisdom. I pouted, all the way to my room. I grabbed my journal and wrote, and wrote. I stopped grabbed my headphones and turned on 'Rolling Thunder' I got lost in the sound of nature. I tried to clear my thoughts, I saw so many faces. I saw my baby, I tried to push it away but she, I saw a little baby girl….. She, pulled my hand "mommy, mommy! This way" she giggled. She looked so familiar, but not like Jason. We ran, and laughed until I got to the mirror. I saw a young me, I had to be at least 12 or 13. I looked down at the baby, she wasn't smiling anymore. She pulled me
Down this long dark hallway, she looked up and said "Shhhhh! Listen" I heard muffled crying, and heavy breathing. I looked in the keyhole and saw two people having sex, when the turned to look at the door, I saw his face! I screamed and tried to grab the baby she was gone, I ran and ran, I screamed for help but no one came. I turned around and he was there. My uncle! "Come on lissey let uncle finish the job"

Still stuck in my thoughts I froze at my uncle's words why was this happening why was he here? I was supposed to be happy but now I was back to being depressed I wanted to forget everything that my uncle did to me, But now it was resurfacing. "Why Can't You Just Leave Me Alone?" My uncle laughs & steps closer to me. "I'll Never Leave You Alone You're Mine." I tried to run but he grabbed me & pulled me back I started screaming but no one came to my rescue right at this moment I wished Jason would appear & save me but he didn't appear, Why was this happening to me now when everything in my life was going good I just wanted to get away from him so I closed my eyes & hoped he would disappear. I took 3 deep breaths & opened my eyes I looked around but I didn't see him I had done it he was gone or so I thought I sighed in relief until I heard. "You Can't Get Rid Of Me I'm Not Going Anywhere." I screamed & ran why was I going through this I have to snap out of my thoughts but I can't god help me.