The Fix

Chapter 24

"Elise, I don't want you to feel bad about this. The baby wasn't response anyway. Not to sound harsh..... But your baby would have been stillborn." Everything was in slow motion, the doctors voice was distorted. I was in shock, from what I could see Jason was relieved. My head was pounding, my body was sore and I felt empty. I wanted to run away, but how? And from who? I hated everyone in this room. I hated Jason for being not saying anything. I hated the doctor for saving me. I needed to leave, now. I heard myself ask to go home, but where was home? I needed to disappear, and I knew who could help me with that. After, I was discharged and given my prescription for the pain, I texted my mom. " I need to get away for a little while. No Jason, no cellphone just me." There, was no reply. But I got a notification from my bank stating that I just had funds added. Now, I needed a plan. I looked at Jason, I looked at the man that was supposed to love me. And, I felt different, I felt hurt. Maybe I was over reacting but, at this moment in time I wanted to be by myself " Baby, are you okay?" I hesitated to answer "Yeah" "You, know.... You're a horrible liar Elise" I hated that he knew me so well. I didn't say anything. He, grabbed my hand and held it, kissed it and whispered "I'm sorry babe. I'm so sorry.. It just wasn't our time. I love you Elise, I love you for who you are, and for you trying to better yourself". The ice around my heart melted.. I cried, silent tears. I cried for my baby, I cried for myself... I cried for my intentions. I was trying to process my words when my phone rang "Mom?" "Are you having second thoughts? You can't keep running from your pain baby." I couldn't say anything, she was right, she's always right.

 He loves me how could I just walk away from this from him & what we have everything I've been through he's been there every step of way he never judged I decided not to go away I wanted to work on things with Jason. "Jason Can We Talk Please?" I slowly sat down next to him I sighed how was I gonna do this? I have already messed up enough he couldn't possibly forgive me now, " Look Jason I Know That I Fucked Up Bad But I Want To Make Things Right." Jason didn't speak I knew that he was still upset but I needed hear him say that he forgave me I couldn't take the silence it was killing me then he finally spoke. "Look Elise I Love You But I Don't Know If I Can Forgive You." Those words hurt my heart it felt like it was breaking into a million pieces & I couldn't fix it tears began to stream down my face what can I do to make things right again? My conscience started speaking again this time with even more negativity, Great job you really screwed up this time you whore! I held my head trying to silence the voice but it wasn't working I begin shaking & rocking back & forth as my conscience continued. Now nobody will ever love you cause you're just a whore you don't even deserve to be loved by anyone! The tears continued to fall as I rocked back & forth next thing I know I was walking towards the kitchen to the knife drawer I couldn't take the pain anymore I lost thea maan I love & my baby was gone so what's the point of living I'm just a whore right?