The Lost Glader || A TMR Fanfiction

Chapter 14 || Guilt

"What am I doing here?" My voice didn't sound like my own but I knew I was the one speaking as my vision came into focus. I found myself in a floor to ceiling white room, including furniture. "Are you just going to kill me?" I felt myself say again. The clicking of heels on the hard floor came to a halt and I looked up to see a woman that I recognized but I couldn't remember from where.

Her haunting laugh echoed through the small space. "Do you really think we would go through all this trouble, just to kill you?" I gripped the edge of the bed that I sat on. "Well what do you want me for?" She smiled at me, no kindness behind it. "We have something special that we're going to be doing with you."

"Please, enlighten me." I said starting to get irritated. "You're different than the others. And we're going to use that to our advantage." I clenched my jaw. "Are you going to stop avoiding an answer? Because I really don't like being used..." I went to move forward but was stopped by something holding me back on wrist. I looked back and saw a white handcuff attached to the wall, I pulled at it in annoyance. "Good, keep that fire. That's exactly what we need."
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I gasped, my eyes shooting open. "Whoa! You're ok!" Newt exclaimed surprised by my sudden movement, and I realized I was still in his arms. "Oh..." I mumbled calming down. I looked around realizing we were in the section of the Homestead where the infirmary was located. "Wha... What's going on?" I asked the pain my body felt settling in.

"The med-jacks gave Ben the serum, they're about to come take care of your injuries now." I sighed relaxing and Newt studied me for a moment. "What happened out there?" He asked and I sighed pushing myself out of his arms to stand. Immediately I felt a stabbing headache and would have fallen over if Newt didn't reach out to stable me. I thanked him before sitting on the cot.

I ran my good hand through my hair. "It's all my fault." I whispered locking eyes with Newt whose expression was a mix of concern and confusion. It was at that moment that Clint arrived to treat my wounds. "It's really just my wrist." I mumbled noticing how swollen it had gotten.

I remained quiet as he worked on my wrist, honestly not feeling the urge or even the strength to talk. "You've got cuts and bruises all up and down your arms." I scoffed. "Yeah... I fell a lot. Newt raised his eyebrows and I just shrugged giving no details.

The door of the infirmary was thrown open and Alby walked in followed closely by Chuck and Gally. "Oh no I can't do this right now..." I mumbled under my breath as they made a beeline towards us. "Are you going to tell us about what happened out there?" Alby said first placing his hands on his hips. "Ben gets stung in the middle of the day, and she happens to be there with him, you can't make me believe that she wasn't involved." Gally said angrily crossing his arms.

It didn't help that I was already on the verge of tears. I did blame myself for Ben getting stung. If I hadn't been impulsive and ran around that corner trying to see what those sounds were... Ben saved me. I closed my eyes, the event flashing through my mind.

I finally looked up at them and sighed. "It is my fault..." I said and they all exchanged a look. I took a deep breath before I told the whole story about what had happened. By the time I had finished, I had covered my face with my hands, placing my elbows on my knees.

"I froze up... If I didn't... Ben..." I felt my voice crack and the room was silent. "Nikki, you can't blame yourself for Ben getting stung." Newt began and I shook my head. "In fact you probably saved his life. Because of you, he's not dead. He'll recover from this." I still refused to look up at them. "But none of this had to happen." I practically whispered.

There was silence for a long moment before I felt the cot dip some more as someone sat beside me. I opened an eye to see Newt watching me. "It's not your fault what happened with Ben, Niks." I finally sat up straight and realized that the others were gone.

"I can't help but see it that way. It was my stupid impulsiveness, curiosity, and fear, that caused Ben to be up there in pain..." Tears began to build in my eyes again making my vision blurry. "Come on, Niks. He's alive. You did all that work to get him here, when you could have left him. You bloody saved him!" He replied and I sighed. "I just keep seeing Ben being pinned down by that shuck griever, with that needle hanging over him. And I froze up..."

"You know Ben, he wouldn't want you to blame yourself, especially with all that you did to get him back." I closed my eyes. "But, he won't ever be the same." He didn't have a good answer for that. We both knew what the serum did to people, how much they changed.

"You'll feel better after some sleep." He said standing up and I nodded. "Yeah... You're right." I said laying out on the cot and turning my back to the door. "Don't let this get to you..." Newt said before leaving, and I was left to dwell on my own thoughts. My body was so exhausted that it didn't take long for me drift off to sleep.

Sometime in the middle of the night, was when the screams started.