Just the two of us (book 2)

Chapter 20 Realization

Almost 2 weeks has gone by and I miss Marshall like crazy, everyday that goes by I miss him even more. Maybe it's because Kevin has been acting weird since that incident with the article or maybe it's because I see Marshall everywhere I turn. Kevin told me he believed me and it was okay between us but still he's acting cold towards me, he always has work to do and it's like it's falling apart, or maybe it's because I can't stop thinking about Marshall? I mean I'm taking my distance too because I avoid him by spending a lot of time at the club and with Melissa. Maybe I should text Marshall? No.. I should meet up with him because I owe him a big apology but then I have to hear him if he's still in New York.

To M (6:23pm)
Are you still in New York?

M (6:32pm)
Non of your business

My heart breaks that he's like that but that this is how he must have felt when I pushed him away, but he kept on trying so that's what I'm gonna do.

Reply to M (6:36pm)
I really wanna talk to you

M (6:40pm)
You had your chance

I can feel my eyes get watery because I know when he gets like this then he's really hard to get through and I specially can't get through to him without me standing face to face with him.

Reply to M (6:45pm)
Just tell me if you're in New York or not

M (6:52pm)
I'm in LA

Reply to M (6:57pm)
Will you please tell me when you're back in New York? I really need to talk to you

When an hour has past and Marshall still hasn't answered I head to the club early because I need to get busy so I don't think about Marshall, I'm at this point where I can feel myself getting depressed over this whole thing. I can't help but thinking if I picked the wrong guy, I know my feelings is somewhat stronger for Marshall but that doesn't make it right, does it? I mean just because I feel more for him doesn't it solve the problems around us, I just had a feeling that if I picked Marshall then shit would blow up because he has so many things going on and it would be hard for me to follow. I hate that I'm like this, I hate that I can't just follow my heart but I have to think rational. Marshall loves me and I know he would give me everything so what the fuck is the problem? Loyalty to Kevin? Well I think I broke that already. Maybe it's because I knew that I would lose everything if I picked Marshall, I wouldn't have a job because even though we're partners then Kevin would somehow force me to sign it all over to him again. Where would I live if I chose Marshall? I can't just move into his house. I think those are some of the reason I also stayed with Kevin and I know it's stupid but I just don't wanna start from the bottom again.

I head to the club and I see Kevin standing in the south bar making everything ready for tonight so I walk over to him.
"Hi baby." I say with a smile.
"Hi." He says without looking at me. This is what I mean about his behavior, he's so cold towards me! I kiss him on the cheek, I wanna kiss him on mouth but I can't because he stands in front of the counter.
"Can we talk?" I ask and he looks at me.
"Sure." He says and stops what he's doing.
"You've been acting really weird since that day you came home with the magazine and I understand why you're angry and the whole thing, but how long are you gonna act this way?" I ask him. I care about Kevin but when he acts like this it just makes me fight harder for Marshall to talk to me again.
"Amelia." He sighs deeply. "You've always been the most loyal person I know and for you to back stab me like that caught me by surprise."
"I didn't do anything Kevin." I say and my eyes gets watery.
"You never told me he was your ex boyfriend and you had so many opportunities."
"But I know how you get Kevin." I say.
"Oh yeah because that justifies it." He says in sarcasm. "I bought a house for Rachel today." Wow what? He can't just change the subject like that but now I'm more interested in the fact that Rachel has a place to live now and she doesn't have to stay at a hotel no more. Me and Kevin discussed that we would just buy a house and then Rachel could rent it and it's prefect because Rachel just got a job as a teacher. I'm kinda irritated that I haven't seen this house before he bought it, but I'm not gonna pick a fight with him now.
"That's great and I'm really looking forward to see it." I say smiling.
"Do you mind going over and get the east bar ready?" He asks me and changes the subject once again.
"No of course not." I say in a low voice because I get really sad about the way he treats me right now. I walk over to the east bar and begin to clean up and make everything ready. Kevin has never treated me like this so I just wanna cry right now, I'm so used to him treating me like a princess that his behavior towards me right now hurts more than several of kicks.
Later Melissa finally comes and I really need to talk to her about all this, luckily she's here a lot earlier so it gives us time to talk while we get everything ready.
"I texted Marshall earlier." I admit and she looks at me in surprise. "He doesn't want my apology, he wants nothing to the with me."
"It's for the best sweetie, you know.. You chose Kevin so nothing good will come out of it anyway." She says.
"What if I've changed my mind?" I ask her biting my lip and my eyes get watery. Melissa looks at me for a minute before she says anything.
"Have you changed your mind?" She asks me.
"Everything has just changed between me and Kevin specially after that article." I tell her.
"He's just hurt Amelia." She says.
"I know, but do you know what the craziest part is? I didn't pick Kevin because I loved him the most, I picked Kevin because Marshall's life scares me and everything is simple with Kevin, besides I knew that if I picked Marshall I would lose everything I have, my clubs, my home, everything." I tell her.
"So you love Marshall more than you love Kevin?" She asks me and I bite my bottom lip and nod. "Then it was pretty stupid to walk over Marshall's feelings like that." She says. This is why I love Melissa, she tells the truth no matter how much it hurts.
"I just wish he would talk to me." I say in a sad voice.
"Have you tried to call Deshaun?" She asks me. Why the fuck haven't I thought of that?!
"You're a genius." I say smiling and grab my phone so I can text Deshaun.

To Deshaun (9:51pm)
Will you please call me when you get the time? Don't let Marshall know please.

My employers slowly begin to arrive and there's many guests at the club tonight which is a really good thing. Suddenly my phone vibrates in my pocket and I see it's Deshaun.
"I have to take this phone call." I tell Josh and I put the phone up to my ear while I walk up to my office.
"Hang on a minute!" I shout into the phone to make sure he can hear me over the loud music. I finally arrive to my office so I can speak to Deshaun in peace. "Oh silence." I giggle and sit down in my chair.
"What's up shorty?" Deshaun asks.
"I need a big favor." I beg.
"Anything girl."
"Please talk to Marshall because I really wanna talk to him but he doesn't wanna hear me out."
"Girl I ain't getting in between that shit."
"Pleeeease."
"Yo I don't wanna sound like an asshole but if you really said all that shit as he said you did, then I have no idea how the fuck I should make him wanna talk to you."
"What has he told you?"
"That you chose Kevin and something about that you couldn't be with him because he has a family now."
"I know I said that but it wasn't what I meant, it's just hard for me that his life has changed so much and I have to get use to it."
"You know I love you girl but you screwed up big time man, you were getting his hopes up the week you were in Detroit, you promised him not to do this shit to him and then when you get home you fucking ignore him to the point where he has to show up on your doorstep, then you fucking tell him that you picked Kevin, I mean he came all the way to New York for you and then you acted like a damn bitch." Deshaun really serves it to me, I know Deshaun ain't mad at me and I understand that he supports Marshall but I just need one change.
"Please.." I begin to cry. "I just need you to let me into Shady Records next time you're in New York so I can talk to him face to face."
"Why? You already picked Kevin."
"I think I've made a mistake."
"Damn.." Deshaun sighs. "Alright.. I hit you up next time we're in New York but Amelia if you fuck him up again then I won't do you any favors ever again."
"I won't fuck it up." I say.
"Good.. I'll hit you up then."
"Thank you!" I say and we say our goodbyes.