Why Wait?

30

Cody finally came to visit me the day after Alex came to see me. I had woken up to the smell of bacon and tried my best to sit up but couldn't.

I felt - rather than heard - him at my side. "Babe, don't try to get up."

I look at him. "You're actually here?"

He nods with a guilty expression. "I'm sorry I couldn't be here with you. I thought you'd want to stay away from me."

I place a hand on his cheek. "I was alone all week long. Austin left and you never bothered to show up."

He flinches. "Listen, I--"

"You were with Connie," I state. "Weren't you?"

He sighs. "Yes, but we--"

I look away, not allowing the tears to come out. "Okay," I mutter.

"Okay?"

I nod. "Can you help me back up the stairs? I need to shower."

He looks at me for a while. "Do I need to--" He trails off whenever his phone rings. Guilt flashed through his eyes. "I need to take this," he whispers.

He didn't say anything and he leans me back against the couch but I know exactly who it is.

I notice a new iPhone sitting on the table beside the couch. I reach over to get it and gasp. It's the newest one. I stare at it in amazement. How did this get here? Alex didn't have it with him when he came in. He just had food from Subway.

I turn it on and the beautiful peace of technology comes to life - without making any noises.

Once I set it up, I go to check my contacts and see that they're all there. All my pictures and songs.

How did it get here?

I decided to call Austin when Cody walks back in the room. He has a distressed look on his face but doesn't hesitate to walk towards me. "Let's take you upstairs."

"I was thinking about going in the guest room downstairs instead."

He nods, not looking at me. "Do you want me to get you clothes?" I nod. "My underwear is in the top drawer, my shirts are at the very bottom, and I have some sweatpants in the middle. You'll see it."

"Okay."

He helps me to the bathroom and - even though we're alone - closes the door behind us. "This is going to be awkward," he mutters.

I look at him. "It's nothing you haven't seen before," I say, searching his eyes. "What is wrong with you?"

He bites his lip. "Nothing. I think I'm going to have to go in with you."

I frown. "I'm good. I just need help taking off my clothes."

When we reach my underwear, he pauses. "Maybe you should just go in like that. We've never gone that far before. I don't want it to seem like I'm taking advantage of you."

He helps me in the shower.

I gasp in pain whenever I almost slide. Cody yanked my arm to pull me back up. He steadied me and made sure I was okay before turning on the water and leaving the bathroom. It takes a very long time, but I managed to finish washing myself and - painfully, I might I add - put on my clothes.

Once I was done, I slightly open the door and Cody walks in immediately helping me onto the bed he had been laying on.

"I'm so sorry," he says as I wince in pain from the contact of my back with the new bedsheets.

I hold back some tears and he lays down beside me. Why did this happen to me? As if being extremely bipolar isn't enough, I had to be in a car wreck that messed me up even more.

My brother finally gave up on me.

And no matter what I do, my boyfriend keeps cheating on me.

"Baby, don't cry," he says softly.

He wraps his arms around me.

"Why don't you love me?"

He goes rigid.

"What's so wrong with me?" I sob against his chest, the pain unbearable.

He stays silent. "I don't know what to tell you."

No one wants you, a voice says inside my head.

Just go ahead and kill yourself.

The tears keep falling down my face. I hadn't noticed Cody left me laying down.

He comes back moments later with my new phone in his hand pressed against his ear. "She won't stop crying."

"When was the last time you had your medicine?" Cody asks.

"A-lex," is all I manage to say.

"She said Alex. What does that mean?"

I see a razor on the nightstand not far from where I'm laying. There's also a bottle of medicine not far from it.

I try my best to sit up and move closer to the bottle without Cody noticing. He has his back turned to me and is yelling profanities at whoever is on the other side of the phone. I reach the bottle and grab it bringing it close to my face.

Iboprophin

I guess that'll work, considering I'm allergic to it. I stick it inside my pocket and wipe the tears from my eyes with the pillow. "Can I use the bathroom?" I ask in a small voice.

Cody turns to look at me, surprised that I had said anything. "Your brother is on his way," he tells me. "He says not to leave you alone."

My lip quivers but I manage a nod.

He takes a seat beside me and gently takes my hand. "I didn't do anything," he snaps. "I'm not the one who left."

I know my brother and I know that hurt him.

Cody glances over at me. My eyes are shut. I'm trying to will the tears not to come.

He places a small kiss against my forehead. He lays down beside me before pressing the phone against my ear.

I brace myself for my brother to yell at me. But he never does. "Kelli," he says, almost painfully. "I'm on my way. I'm coming."

"You don't have to," I say, gritting my teeth. "I don't need you here."

He sighs. "I don't want to argue with you," he says, his voice breaking. I'm on my way now and I'm coming to see you."

I start crying again. "No," I say, my voice hoarse. "You're going to leave again."

He sighs. "I'm in the neighborhood, Kelli."

I don't say anything. Cody takes the phone back and hangs up.

He leans against me a bring my head against his chest. "I love you," he tells me. "I'm sorry I don't tell you this often. And I'm sorry I've been so distant lately. But I promise it'll change."

I nod, placing a kiss on his hand. "That would be good."

He chuckles. "Yeah," he says quietly.

I was about to tell him I love him to when the front door opens.

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