popstar « niam

«chapter 13»

Can you guys be babes and vote and comment at the end of this chapter because I'm seriously upset about how it doesn't have that many votes or comments. I mean, 600+ reads and only 38 votes & 7 comments? ok, I'm sorry for ranting here's the story

Chapter 13
•Niall•

Harry apologized to me, then ran off again, probably to see Louis. That was when I packed up my bags and headed back to Paul's house.

Paul welcomed me back "home" as I strolled through the front door. I put my overnight bag away before heading back into the bathroom connected to my room. I locked the door.

I was thankful that I was smart enough to bring my blades with me when I packed up. They were hidden behind the toilet. I pulled one out, raised my shirt, and pressed it against my unclothed hip.

The emotional relief was instant, but the physical pain lingered. I waited for the small burn to go away before continuing. The blood ran down my legs, and I had to quickly jump into the bath tub to avoid staining the floor. I only made about five cuts, none larger than an inch. None of them were very deep either, but I knew Harry would freak when he found out.

I turned on the shower and sat in my boxers, watching my blood run down the drain. The water stung my cuts, but I was used to it.

I stared at the sixty or so cuts lining my hips. No one should go through this. The emotional pain. The physical pain. The pain of not being wanted. No one should have to feel this way.

I ran my finger along the cuts. I knew it was time to change boxers, put on my clothes, and go back to Harry's house before he freaked. He can't stand leaving me alone, even for a little while.
So now I'm trudging my way back to his house, the waist band of my pants rubbing on the cuts. It felt... nice, almost. Harry's car was still gone, and I thanked God for that. I sat down on his couch with a soda, finding a random football (soccer) game on the telly. My mind was on anything but it.

I had been clean for almost a week now. It was just so addicting, hard to stop. Harry had almost had a panick attack when he first learned about it, making me swear never to do it again. That was almost a year ago. The cuts were adding up. First, only one or two a week, trying not to overdue it. Then it was maybe three a week. Now, almost five a day.

What would be the cause? Verbal and physical bullying. No one should end up in the hospital for weeks with broken bones caused by other people. I have, too many times to count. No one should have their own parents break them down. Mine did, too many times to count.

Harry is scared to leave me alone by myself, thinking of what I might do. I just don't see why he hasn't given up on me yet. I'm worthless, everyone sees that. Everyone but him.

I'm scared of friendship. I'm scared of letting people in. Hell, I'm scared of people in general. Leave it to me to be a coward. Harry shouldn't need to protect me.

He was so innocent. Never knew what the world really was. He was off in his own little daydream that I never should have broken him out of. Harry was forced to see the real world, not what he wanted to see. He could be cheeky, and a little perverted at times, and it should have stayed like that. Harry is one of those people who need to be protected, not be the ones protecting.
And here I was, making him fight my battles for me.

"Niall?" I heard a voice whisper. I turned to face Harry, with tears streaming down his face. "You promised." He whispered brokenly, then started to sob. I looked down at what he was pointing at.

The bottom of my shirt was soaking up blood. Harry still stared at me, chocked sobs coming out of his mouth.
"I'm sorry." Is all I said before I started crying, too.

•-•

Hi(: I don't actually know how long this is... I write on my phone. Oh well. Please comment.

I know at one point I did actually write that I some points in this story, there could be self harm triggers. Yeah, I can't do that anymore. It can end up being a bit of a trigger for myself and I honestly can't handle it most of the time. I'm still refusing to cut, no matter how badly I want to

(21/6/13)

NEWLY EDITED ON:

(26/02/14)