Little Miracles

The Evil One

 It is the very nature of regret that it only occurs after the regrettable act has been committed. So it was not a great leap of logic to work out that the smiling man was lying when he whispered. "I regret having to do this"

 The fact that he was lying did not bother the smiling man very much, it was not the most sinful thing he had done. It was however, one of the more enjoyable acts of evil. He pondered how it was strange that an act's level of evil was never directly proportional to how much he enjoyed the perpetrating of it.

 Never the less his smile widened into a joyous grin as he clicked his fingers, giving the signal for his henchmen to permanently silence the unfortunate witness who cowered before him.

 "The Evil One is here?" sighed Pax, when Faisal finally stopped sulking and reported the news.

 "Yep, the evil one is currently in this very building. And the boss wants YOU to deal with him" chirruped Faisal, cheering up as a look of exhausted disgust crawled across Pax's face.

"Who is this person and why do you keep calling him the Evil One?" asked Sarah.

"Guess!" barked Pax, a deep frown carved into his gaunt features.

"I don't know," shrugged Sarah, "Is it because he has some evil dark magical power whereby if you refer to him in his real name he instantly knows where you are?"

"Yes that's absolutely right!" exclaimed Pax,  "He has a dark magical power whereby if you shout his real name in... lets say ten meters radius of him, he instantly knows where you are! Strangely enough its a dark magical power that a lot of people seem to possess, its called hearing! " he continued in a vicious sneer.  "Get real!" he spat, "We call him the evil one because he's evil!"

"Well if we're naming people by their predominant characteristics, I'll henceforth refer to you as the Cretinous useless nincompoop-ish tea-addicted one, is that understood?" growled Sarah.

"Perfectly understood oh Menstrual one." replied Pax.

"Anyway! You need to stop the Evil One before he does any real damage." interrupted Faisal in a bid to stop the argument from escalating.

"Why? What does he do?" inquired Sarah.

"He likes to remove parts from our best selling self-assembly furniture so that the people are inconvenienced when they try to assemble it later." muttered Pax from behind a mug of tea.

"Is that all?" asked Sarah incredulously.

"He also murders people." piped in Faisal.

"But we're mostly concerned about the furniture." muttered Pax.

"Well that's terrible!" shouted Sarah, " We have to catch him before he kills anyone!"

"What do you mean we?" grumbled Pax from the depth of the sofa into which he had retreated.

"You're right, I'm not part of the IKEA staff team. I'll only get in the way of you catching the Evil One." sighed Sarah, a resigned frown on her lips.

"No I meant go get him on your own, I'm not moving." gurgled Pax, loudly slurping his tea.

"But the customers could get killed!" pleaded Sarah, indignation clear in her voice.

"Who cares." burped Pax as he finished his mug of tea and reached for Sarah's which rested on the coffee table in front of them.

"Pax, when do you think the customers who bought products today will realize there are parts missing?" asked Faisal innocently stroking his bristled chin.