Attachment (An Eren x Levi AU)

Chapter 5- Hickeys

Chapter 5- Hickeys

[Eren's P.O.V.]
How could I have been so fucking stupid?!
Never once have I been tempted to leave work because I wanted doing something like that to be special, to have some meaning other than pleasure. So why was he any different? This man I just met convinced me to give something like my virginity away! I got swept up in the moment and couldn't back down, I couldn't say no, I couldn't stop myself. Levi was interesting from the moment I saw him, I knew he didn't fit in right in that setting. He didn't seem like a socialist in the least. After talking with him and getting to know a little about him, I couldn't help but get swept away and start to crush on him but, at this point, I didn't give one shit. He took something so precious to me away.
I guess I can't blame him, he asked and I accepted, but I couldn't even explain how much I was regretting it.
After I left Levi's car, I didn't turn back to give him one final look like every muscle in my frail body was telling me to do. If I turned around, I would burst into tears and want him to hold me and talk to me. I couldn't tell you why I wanted him to be the one to talk to me, but I did. Something about him made me feel safe and protected, but not like with Mikasa. With him, I'm sure he would be up front and help me and be 110% honest, regardless of if it would hurt me or not, and that's what I need, tough-fucking-love.
Love? Why was I thinking about something as small as that right now?! Why was I thinking about any of this?! This is insane! Stop Eren, just stop thinking about him and work on dealing with the problem at hand; the one that is all about fucking Levi.
I made my way up to my dorm, lost in frivolous thoughts and drowning in my own emotions to find Jean, Armin, and -of course- Mikasa.
"Oh thank god!" Armin gasped as soon as I stepped inside the small space. Mikasa shot to her feet and squeezed me into a tight hug before my brain registered she was even standing.
"Uh-what's going on?" I asked in tight breaths while my lungs were cut off from air with Mikasa's tight embrace. She let go and held my arms on my sides.
"You didn't come home and we got worried, dumbass," Jean spoke from his mattress while his eyes were glued to his phone screen.
"Well, I'm okay..." I tried to peel my sister's hands off but she refused to release her grip. Clingy sister.
"Where did you go?" Mikasa spoke up and looked me directly in the eye, causing me to look to the left of her head at Armin who was sitting curtly on my messy bed, his hands folded in his lap, looking at me with worried eyes.
How could I tell her I went out with some strange man, gave him my virginity, and bolted the next day?
So I played the innocent card, "No where, I'm allowed to go out and do things on my own. Your not my mother," my voice quivered as I recalled last nights events in my head.
A blissful hell.
"Eren, I know you, and you would NEVER go out without letting someone, anyone know. You're paranoid like that. You're hiding something," Mikasa's tone was stern and forceful. I hate how she can see right through me. Try harder Eren!
My hand tightened into a fist, "I'm not hiding anything," my eyes where starting to feel tingled with tears but I refused to let them give way.
Letting go of one of my arms, Mikasa pinched my ear, burning pain shot to my earlobe, "OW, what the hell?!"
She rolled her eyes, "your ears turn red when you lie," she put her hands on her curvy hips, "now what happened?"
Why the fuck did I have to tell her? She didn't control me and she never has! "Mikasa," my throat was tight, trying to hold back tears and frustration, "you aren't my god damn mother. I don't have to tell you everything I go out and do! I'm allowed to do my own shit without informing anyone!"
I saw her face sink slightly, "we are just worried Eren. You work at a strip club. We don't know what could happen to you! I-" she froze, her jaw open, "oh my god, Eren," her finger point up at my neck, "is that a hickey?"
I instantly flung my hand up to my neck to cover to dark purple bruise, "maybe," I wasn't going to try to form some unbelievably stupid lie, but at this point, my tears broke loose.
"Oh my god, Eren were you raped?!" Armin stood up from his quiet place on my bed and stepped over to me, his bright blue eyes filled with worry and fear. I glanced over at Jean who was now sitting, looking at me with full attention.
Everyone was staring at me, waiting for an answer. Clearly, the answer was no, I gave consent. Nothing was illegal, yet I couldn't form words, only tears and small, shaky breaths.
I shook my head violently and pushed Armin aside to escape into the bathroom, locking it behind me.
I yanked at fistfuls of my hair while I paced around the small bathroom. I was a mixture of angry, upset, an just plain frustrated.
Mikasa is always babying me. I'm allowed to go out and do things on my own without her damn consent. She isn't my mom, I tell her this and yet, she doesn't seem to understand that. I get that she was just worried but why go to the extent of waiting around in my room until I get home? And how dare they just assume it was something as vile as rape?! Why did that have to be a first guess, a first thought?
Why am I even this mad at her? It wasn't a big deal. I guess all my emotions are just over flowing and causing me to just kind of explode.
I looked at myself in the mirror above Jean and I's sink. I pulled the edge of my shirt collar down to look at the dark mark in full view. Instantly, piles of guilt and regret dropped into my stomach. I glanced around the bathroom. This was the first time I realized how tiny this bathroom was.
A shower, toilet, sink, and cabinet all squeezed into a confined space that seemed to be pushing me together into a cavern. A small, lonely hole.
Walking over to the door, I slid my back down the wooden panel and curled myself up into a tight ball. I always seem to do this. Fuck stuff up because I can't control my own dumb emotions.
I felt a knot in my throat disappear as I let streams of tears fall down my face once more. Audible sobs and whimpers escaped from my shaking lips.
I couldn't even blame Levi or Mikasa for any of this. I could only blame myself for being a total idiot.
A knock at the door caused me to take in a deep inhale, "Eren, it's Jean. Mikasa and Armin left. Can you get your ass out here and talk to me?"
I don't know why, but talking to Jean felt like a good idea. Maybe I needed a slap in the face right now; and I'm meaning this literally, not metaphorically.
I stood myself up on my feet and slowly opened the creaky, wooden door. Jean was propped up on the frame of the door, glaring at me.
"Now, would you mind calming yourself down and telling me what the hell happened?" Jean spoke, his voice brimming with annoyance.
Wiping my eyes with the back of my small hand, I stepped out of the bathroom, situating myself on my bed, a small whine sounding from the old mattress. Jean sat himself on his own bed, leaning back and relaxing in the process. Way to be attentive.
Taking a deep breath, I began to explain to Jean what happened the previous night. Throughout the one-sided conversation, I noticed gears turning and light bulbs clicking on inside Jean's small head. Good job, you can actually listen, who knew?
"So, let me get this straight," Jean sat up, leaning against his knees, "your not?" A smirk played at his lips.
Seriously? "No, I'm not- I'm bisexual. Is that really the main issue right now?" Pits of anger we're opening up inside me. What the actual hell Jean?!
A small chuckle came from Jean's throat, "I'm kidding, I honestly don't care, but I seriously think you need to explain to Mikasa and Armin what happened or else they'll call the cops or something, trying to find your "rapist"."
I hate to say it, but Jean was right for once. I guess it would have just been easier if I explained it in the first place but my sister just has a way of pissing me off for no apparent reason and clouding my judgement an sense of reason.
I guess that's just how we work. I get pissed at her, she acts like nothing's wrong, I suck at apologizing, Armin knocks some sense into me, and we go on about our normal lives until it happens again. Isn't that such a sweet brother-sister bond? I think so -sarcasm intended.
I would just find her later, I needed time to just calm down and take a breather. In my mind, I was hoping Jean would leave and go somewhere, but he was such a lazy-ass and has never been someone to go out if he had the choice. He was a lot like me in someways; back when I was a homebody and never left that dumb, toxic house.
I flopped back down onto the firm mattress and sprawled myself out, taking up the entirety of the small twin bed.
"Hey, I'll be back later, I'm meeting up with Marco so I'll be back around," Jean looked at the red alarm clock next to me bed, "later," he finished awkwardly.
Gathering up his keys and jacket, he exited the room, "see ya Eren."
Wasn't he chipper? Leaving the poor boy alone in a small dorm room. What I kind friend!
Pulling out my phone, I opened up my messages and sent Armin a text for him and Mikasa to meet me at our usual hang out tomorrow, hoping that I could apologize then.
I clicked off my phone, sat it beside my and leaned back against my headboard to think. I don't know what I was trying to think about, but oddly enough, the last thought that entered my mind before I nodded off to sleep at 1 in the afternoon, was Levi.
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So, Merry Christmas! I'm posting this chapter on Christmas Eve as a gift kinda :/....I apologize for the sucky ending of this chapter. I wasn't sure how I wanted to end it so that happened. Can you tell what's happening with Jean and Marco here *eyebrow wiggle* YAAS!
Anyway, have a Merry Christmas and I'll update again soon! Kisses <3