Attachment (An Eren x Levi AU)

Chapter 21- Breaking Boundaries

Chapter 21- Breaking Boundaries

[Eren's P.O.V.]
When I left Levi, it was about the end of October. He called and texted me day after day for the next month and then it suddenly halted. No tapering away or a message with a sign of stopping, His last message was one just like all his others, I'm so sorry.
In the moment, I felt a shiver run down my spine as if something had just happened to him. That strange feeling that we all get in the pits of our stomachs form time to time. The haunting feeling of death lingering around, taunting us.
I swallowed hard and closed the messages.

Mikasa had the brilliant idea to finally go out and have some fun, just Armin, her, and I. We three hadn't got to hang out alone since we started college our freshmen year. We always had Jean, Sasha, Connie, and everyone else tagging along. And then there was Levi.
But regardless, Mikasa figured this would be what we were going to do before Christmas break officially started.
Armin was enthusiastic and I was pretty excited as well but not to his level. Something about it felt wrong. This whole month without speaking to Levi hurt and now just hanging out as if none of it happen felt...wrong.
I went anyway.
She had reserved seat as a nice little restaurant for the three of us. The evening started off well, we talked about Armin's college and how I knew Jean and Marco were a thing. We discussed Mikasa's classes and some of the things Sasha and Connie had done.
There was so much to catch up on. Even with the coffee shop meetings, we still hadn't truly been speaking to each other like we used to.
Mentioning the coffee shop was a bad idea.
My thoughts quickly trailed to the old Levi, the one I had first met. I smiled slightly at the thought but then I felt a tear weighing heavily on my eye, like a lead weight, waiting to break the surface of my cornea.
Mikasa noticed. She placed her hand on my thigh and softly asked me if I was alright.
I couldn't even force out the words, "I'm okay," because, for the first time since I left Levi, I cried. Every ounce of water I had built up in me. All my feelings towards him and even stupid stuff with school and my mother slammed me into the table. My brain through every bit of sadness I had inside me at my eyes in this moment. Of course now, in public.
"Eren..." Armin started, "talk to us."
So I did.
I explained every bit of everything. Levi, mom, them, myself, I talked about every little bit of emotion in me, even the parts I rather wouldn't have said. The entire time, Mikasa just stroked my thigh and Armin starred at me intently with his wide blue eyes. No matter how much I hated being starred at, I had to admit it was nice to have him listening.
"Eren, if all this is bugging you why don't you just talk to Levi about what you want?" Mikasa asked, her voice strong.
I shook my head, "he doesn't listen anymore."
"what if you go see him one more time?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because I just can't see him again like this, like someone else."
"You're attached though."
I paused, taking a minute to take in he words. I was attached to him, I couldn't just let him go. Maybe I had to give it one last shot to talk some sense into him, to see him once more.
I thought about the texts he sent me, his onslaught of apologizes and despratness. He was hurt, more hurt than Farlan and Isabel ever made him when they died.
That flattered me a bit, in the most twistde way, i guess.
Then I thought of his sudden halt. What if he had done something to himself? He wasn't stable anymore, I didn't know if he ever could be.
"Armin?" I asked, still looking down at my hands, "do you think he would do something rash? Something bad to himself?"
Armin's eyes fell, "with his head, maybe. But Eren, that is why you have to check on him, make sure he is okay, maybe he will listen to you now that you have shown him you can and will leave."
He was right as always.
I sniffled and smiled at the two of them, "thanks you guys."
Mikasa gripped my thigh still but she was smiling, "would you like to go see him now?"
I thought about it for a moment but shook my head, "I want to spend time with you, I'll see him after dinner, he can wait a few more hours."

After dinner, Mikasa dropped me off at the old apartment and hugged me bye. I promised to text them tomorrow morning to let them know how it went.
While I walked into the old building I once lived in, I felt a chill roll down my back and up to my belly. Something felt erie. There was no one around other than the sleeping man at the front desk. I couldn't hear anything from any of the apartments and I couldn't help but think I was walking through a murder scene.
My old apartment came into view and the first thing I noticed was the dull door knob. Levi cleaned on an every-other-day basis, door knobs included. It was almost always shiny previously.
I knocked lightly, whispering the word Levi, thinking that he could hear me.
Turning the silver knob, I found the door was unlocked and I nearly fell back in confusion when I walked in. This wasn't the same place.
Again, Levi always loved to clean. Having dust bunnies fluttering in the air and sitting on the floor, particles floating around me and a pile of dishes stacking up in the kitchen was odd. It wasn't a mess, it was a normal person's home, not Levi's.
"Levi?" I spoke a bit louder, shutting the door behind me.
I heard no response.
I paced from room to room, putting off walking into Levi's bedroom where I knew he would be.
When I finally came to his bedroom door, I could faintly hear heavy breathing from inside. I think I breathed for the first time since I had walked in there, he was alive, at least a bit.
But I lost all oxygen when I walked in.
The room smelled like old oatmeal and sweat. The air was hot and sticky, coating my lungs with a plastic feeling. The carpet was sticky and the lights were shut completely off. On the bed, Levi was lying, curled up against a pillow wearing my old black sweatshirt. His face was even narrower than before, with sunken in cheeks and drooping eyes. All the grey left his eye leaving behind a nightmare filled disaster. His ribs poked through onto his skin, and his arms and legs were even skinnier. His skin was much paler as well.
He looked like in incarnation of a famine.
"Levi?" I slammed the door shut and fell onto the bed beside him. It was wet and smelled like urine, "Levi what the fuck happened to you?"
I was panicking and I wanted to cry. How would he have done this.
His eyes were faded and he made no response for a few seconds, like his brain was on a delay.
"Eren?" he finally said. I had my hand rested on his skinny arm and I was looking at his as if he were the most frail thing ever. He really was just a dust bunny, ready to crumbled away.
"yes, I'm here."
Another few seconds, "why are you here?" his voice was a hoarse whisper, like he hadn't spoken in weeks, only sobs and moans.
"I wanted to make sure you were okay. I was worried about you."
More time.
"I'm okay. You can leave if you want," his voice held no emotion.
"I am not leaving until you tell me what you did to yourself and I say what I came to say."
He turned his face toward me. he was a skeleton, "What did you want to say?"
Angry, I ripped the pillow from between his arms and looked at his body without obstructions. He was so small and shriveled. He hadn't bathed in days and he reeked of it. Stubble was growing along his face. It didn't suite him.
"Why did you do this?"
He jerked up and glared at me, the first sign of emotion I saw. It made me happy, "Because of you! This is your fault," his voice was ruff. He was trying to yell but it was an angry whisper, "you left me just like them. You abandoned me and left me all alone!" he pulled his boney knees to his chest and threw his head down, "I tried to hard. I wanted to make you stay. I tried Eren, I don't know where I mess up or what I did wrong, but I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't be perfect. That's all I was trying to do," he began crying heavily, sobbing deeply into himself, "I just wanted to be the only one you needed. I wanted to be perfect."
He repeated that phrase over and over again in between and through sobs, I wanted to be perfect.
I sat gently beside him and pulled him close to me. I was crying now too. Levi crawled into my lap and held me, crying into my shoulder. The wetness of his tears or his legs did not bother me. I had him here.
"You didn't have to," he was shaking violently, "the Levi I loved, and still love is the one that I had before Isabel and Farlan died," he stopped shaking, if only slightly, "the one who didn't like others to see him smile. The one who rarely laughed and was mean but not cruel. The Levi that made fun of me and acted like he hated when I held him but he really did love it. That's the Levi I fell in love with. There was no need to try and be "perfect". Perfect doesn't exist, trust me, but you're as closest to perfection as perfect can be."
His long finger nails dug into my back, "So, why did you leave?"
I pushed him back slightly so I could see his face, "because you stopped being you," tears were welded up in his eyes and spilled over silently down his cheeks. His eyes were wide and his chapped lips were parted as if he may speak, "I wanted that Levi back, not the "perfect" imposter."
He smiled if only slightly and looked down at my chest, "can you help me?" his voice was so broken it speared my heart, "help me go back?"
I shook my head, "I can't," his eyes looked up desperately at me, begging me silently, "you have to do it yourself, I can't do it for you," he let his forehead drop onto my chest, "but I will be there every step of the way," I pulled his hands off of my back and squeezed them. They were dry and his nails were way over grown, "holding your hand."
He sat back up and looked in my eyes. That's how Levi always spoke to people, looking completely away, or in full concentration of their eyes. He loved eyes and the burst of color.
He always loved my eyes.
"Will you come back?" He whispered pleadingly.
I smiled, tears in my mouth, "I will, but you have to make a promise."
"Anything."
"Stop trying. Stop trying to change or be what you think I want you to be. Just be you. Break this insane string you have tied to me and tie a new one on my heart. One that may be frayed and discolored, I don't mind. Imperfections give the world a new kind of beauty," I put my hands on his sunken cheeks.
"I promise, I will," Levi grabbed my wrists gently,melting into my palms.
"One more thing."
"Yeah?"
And I kissed him.
I kissed his chapped lips and ate his rancid breath, I swallowed his oxygen and devoured him. I kissed him and kissed him and kissed him until I couldn't breath.
Parting I looked at him and he smiled that same old side smirk that I always loved, "glad you're back, brat."
Smiling the widest smileI had ever smiled, and pulled him into my chest and fell back onto the bed, the smell of urine bothering me none. I had him here, that's all I could even think of.

We didn't sleep that night. We sat and talked, laughing and crying. I clipped his nails for him and washed his hair and body. He could barley stand with how small he was.
He hadn't eaten since since he stopped texting me, maybe an apple or a banana here and there. I bought Chinese food for him and I and we ate it on his mattress. Something about the stench and the feeling of the old air felt like something straight out of a movie where the two misfits kids fall in love even though they are both a mess.
This wasn't like that though. Maybe it was, but it felt different.
The whole night, I could see the life coming back to his eyes, feeding itself into him. Almost as if I were pouring gasoline on a fire.
He smiled and laughed like he used to, small and indirect be it was a smile. It was there.
And finally, finally, I knew something about my life. I had something guaranteed in the palm of my hand, the promise that Levi would become Levi again. The guarantee that he would come back to me.
I could say for certain that I knew he would come back to me the way I wanted, the way I loved him. I would help him. I would smile for him when he couldn't and cry for him so he didn't have to. I would stay through the relapses and all the hard parts of recovery. I knew what it would take, someone to stay, and I would do it. I promised myself and Levi I would, and this was one promise that I swore on my mother, on Levi, and on my own being I would never break.

[Levi's P.O.V.]
He was home, and I could speak off so again...

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Alright! (LOVE THAT AMV BTW! ^^^ worth a watch!) I have finally finished this! Thanks so much to every reader! I know it's only a simple 600 or so but I truly appreciate it.
Coming into Wattpad and writing on a fanfic was a big step. I never liked sharing my work and when I started writing this I wasn't great, I don't feel as if I was. I know it doesn't really show it here but I have gotten better!
I gave up during the writing of this. I didn't want to work in it anymore but I'm so glad I finished it. I changed the ending so much from what I wanted it to be. I honestly love this story and the fact that I finished it. ERERI is still perfect to me and I love this story and maybe one day I'll go back through it and maybe edit. I'm just happy I got to do this, and I thank you all for giving me the chance! Don't forget to vote and comment and thank you all for everything! <3