Attachment (An Eren x Levi AU)

Chapter 16- Insanity

* Warning: Smut Chapter*

Chapter 16- Insanity

[Eren's P.O.V.]

By the time I got back to Trost, it was raining. Droplets of water clung to my hair and the night's grey sky was merciless. Despite the rain, I wasn't running. I walked at a slow leasurly pace as people rushed by me, hurrying to get dry. I couldn't bring myself to care, not when Levi was like this.
For the two weeks he was in the hospital, I stayed with him, only leaving to shower because I knew he liked things to be clean. I wanted to do everything I could to make him happy but I knew it would take time.
Leaving him there tonight was the hardest thing I've done in a long time, next to saying goodbye to my mother without actually saying goodbye. Leaving him there is just me setting him in an empty house surrounded by memories and leaving him to be sucked into his own mind.
And yet I left him.
He wanted to be alone, he wanted to just cry without anyone watching him. I remember doing the same thing when mom died.
I had waited at his door for about an hour, listening to him scream and cry from inside and when it eventually faded away, I stood up and left, assuming he had fallen asleep.
Levi was precious, a perfect being that should never of had this happen to him. Farlan and Isabel were amazing people; kind, caring, smart, intuitive...they loved Levi so much no matter the circumstances. None of them deserve the pain or anguish they had thrusted upon them.
I was lost in thought when I arrive back at my dorm. I fumbled for my keys and turned the lock. I hadn't been back here since yesterday so I was betting on seeing in a mess, seeing as I left Jean alone with the room. Every time I had come back, I saw his mess and he knew I would clean it, Levi was rubbing off on me.
When I opened the door however, I saw Jean sitting on the edge of his bed with Marco on his lap. Marco's hands cupping his face and trailing into his hair, a light blush on his cheeks as he kissed him. Jean had his hands placed on Marco's ass, holding him up. Both of them were only wearing their boxers and the minute I walked it, the two panicked and jumped up, both going bright pink.
"Um, Eren..." Jean stuttered, avoiding all eye contact.
Marco rushed to rip on his jeans and throw on one of Jean's sweatshirts before bolting out the door.
I smirked and rested my hand on my hip, "So, you and Marco?"
Jean huffed, turning on his heels and picking up his clothes. Despite how flustered and nervous he was, I could tell he felt alive. His eyes said it all.
He was glowing, lightning up with thoughts of Marco and the feeling of his skin and heat still resonating within him.
That's love. When others can physically see your passion, your desire, and you are completely naked and barren with them.
I let Jean go on his way to the shower and I collapsed into my mattress, letting myself sink into it. I hadn't slept in a bed in two weeks, and yet I wasn't as comfortable as I thought I would be.
I wanted Levi here.
I was so used to hearing his breath and the beep of the heart monitor. I was so used to looking at him before nodding off and I missed it.
He was anything but alive during that time.
His eyes were glazed over and I could see hell sitting in this pupil. All I wanted to do was crying into him and tell him how much he meant to me. How selfish I was in thinking how glad I was that he wasn't killed. I was selfish, that's all there is to it. I was selfish with everything, I always have been.
Hoarding away toys and nick-knacks from my mother, wanting her attention and for her to only want me, wanting to keep everything for myself and as I got older, I've only shifted that to people. I only want everything from someone, it's my own sad reality.
I stripped off my clothes, the cool air smacking my thighs and chest, sending goosebumps down my spine.
Tucking myself into bed, I pulled out my phone to text Levi goodnight out of habit. Starring at the screen, I saw messages from weeks ago. We hadn't texted because I had been with him and yet I felt unsettled at the date. Even knowing he wouldn't respond, I texted the number anyway.
My brain imagined scenarios where Levi was standing outside my window, screaming my name for me to come to him, to be with him. I was so scared for him that I was feeling the fear physically. Curling myself into a ball and wanting to cry, yet knowing Jean would be here kept my tears damed.
I had never had someone who mattered to me so much.
The next morning, I was woken up with a text from Levi, 16 in fact.
He had been blowing up my phone since six in the morning, asking if I was okay and why I wasn't responding.
It was only six-thirty but I responded anyway.
I'm awake. I was just sleeping. Are you okay?
He responded within a matter of a few seconds.
Come over tonight.
He wouldn't respond after. I was asking why, what time, if he was okay, and yet now he wouldn't return any of them.
I was happy that he wasn't blowing up my phone anymore, but now I wanted to return the favor. Now I was the one who was worried.
I was inconsistent.