Chapter 20

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Suck it all and deal it with

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Suck it all and deal it with

This had been my mantra for days now. No matter how cruel the universe was, I just have to keep my head up high, lick my wound and start fighting—these were my only choice. The choice I have learned to live for a long time now.

Talking about feelings – real feelings – just always makes someone appear so needy and foolish and, above all, stupid. And I chose not to reduce myself into such stupidity.

I've spent most of my days shuffling through mundane activity in Law School without giving away a thought to what I've witnessed days ago—or at least, I've tried. It was never brought out, like it never happened and I pretended that it did not affect me in some level. This was my own reality and I have to deal with it.

My phone started vibrating against my palm again. I lost count on how many times Maven had been blowing up my phone lately. I peered down at my phone, clenching my free hand on a fist, trying my best not to give in.

6:26

Friday, November 20

Maven now

Missed Call (22)

slide to call

Maven now

I miss you :-(

slide to reply

"Adrianna"
I looked up and found my mother, now sober and back to looking pristine in her Dior night gown, while holding two cups of coffee. I smiled warily, shoving my phone back at my Balenciaga, as I watched her carefully standing in front of the porch before making her way to my Jaguar.

"Yes Mommy?" I asked, shutting the trunk after shoving my gym bag in it and rounding up the corner to face her. She handed me a cup of steaming coffee and I murmured my thanks.

"I'm sorry" She said, her eyes looking tired "I swear Dri that was the last time. I've been sober for years now. It was just my weakest point. I'm sorry you have to witness that .. again"

I clicked on the alarm of my jaguar, saying nothing on that. She always make the same excuse after sobering up.

"Mom don't try to apologize about it." I turned to her. It was rare to see her up at this hour "You don't have to. It's like saying sorry for being cheated. You don't owe anyone or anybody an apology"

She peeked up after sipping her own coffee, "Have you told your Kuya about.. about—"

"No Mommy. Kuya's still in Bali but he'll be here by this weekend"

She stared at me, looking like she was horrified when she realized where this conversation was going, "Will you tell him by then?"

"Mom, I wont if he wont ask"

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