Chapter 45

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         But it wasn't

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But it wasn't.

It wasn't the start at all. It only doubled the weight of guilt I was feeling, knowing Kuya Elliot had every ounce of knowledge that I've kept for a year.

It didn't provide me security like I had hoped for. It only had an opposite effect on me. It doubled the dreadful melancholy, an awful feeling of foreboding crept over, which punctured to every weight of my agony.

My nerves felt stretched thin and frayed at the edges. It made me afraid, extremely afraid, that it was only the peak of what could happen in the latter parts. Not only for my self but, this time, for my older brother.

It made anxious for some reason, like I'd expect the worst from every little thing there is. Maybe, break or combust under my older brother's scrutiny for a start. His occasional visit became a nightly routine.

Kuya Elliot started coming around more often on my flat and would deliberately watched Maven and I like we were some specimen under his 8th grade biology class, more so when Maven would try to hold my hand or kiss my forehead.

But despite all that, he had kept his words. He was true to it. It's certainly heartwarming to witness sibling loyalty trump political leanings and church doctrine. He didn't say anything about it over Dad, Mom or either of our family.

He kept it muted like how I asked him to and it made me guilty that I was the reason that put him into this when I knew, in the first place, what he felt about De Talavera as a whole.

I glanced and combed the crowd around me on this particular party that overflowed the usual vibe I've been immune. Some were familiar faces that often graced a tabloid, magazine or build boards-- From controversial politicians, philanthropists and families like ours.

I grew up with this kind of high keening, cutting through the society. Basically, the ball was filled with people who have little disparate views about what constituted a reasonable expense.

They were the people I've bumped into one of Dad's many fancy parties growing up, others were new faces clinging to some mogul whose names I couldn't even pronounced correctly but one thing's for sure, all of them were crème of the crops-self-entitled, rich, famous and powerful who made up most of the guest list on my Dad's events since time immemorial.

And every one appeared relax with the heavy flow of champagne flowing around.

My eyebrows shot straight up when I felt a familiar body whose arm flung to my shoulder and leaned in for a quick peck on the cheek. "Happy Birthday, Adrianna"

I took a very deep breath. I needed to breathe.

Air in.

Air out.

I forced myself to take a deep breath-to just breathe before I gathered my courage to look at my older brother. I stared at him for the longest time, drinking him in before I sucked in a breath and it got stuck in my throat.

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