Tronnor - For Him

3

"So, what do you want to do tonight?" Since I don't need my crutches anymore, my parents let me stay back at my apartment, so I've spent almost every day with Connor, trying to remember and get to know him again.

"Let's watch a movie! I haven't seen one in a while, it would be nice to just relax for once."

I nod it agreement as we settle back on the couch. The sun has set by now, and the room is almost too dark to find the remote.

At last we find it, and Connor begins searching Netflix in silence. Finally, we decide on Mean Girls.

"Hold on, you're forgetting something."

I grin as my friend leaves, coming back shortly with a soft blanket, a mug full of coffee for him and an entire jar of Nutella for me.

"Oooh, gimme that!" I whine, and reach for the Nutella desperately. He knows me too well.

I just wish I knew him.

Smirking innocently, Connor takes his time, setting the Nutella and coffee on a side table while he carefully arranges the blanket around us to make a cozy nest.

Finally, Connor is satisfied and hands over the Nutella. "You better not finish that in one night, it's all I have."

I flash a signature wink as I snatch up the spoon and lift the chocolatey hazelnut goodness into my watering mouth.

"Mmmmm," I moan contentedly, and snuggle back in the couch next to Connor, who laughs lightly. He takes a few sips of coffee before leaning back and clicking play. It's so nice, just relaxing and having a cozy night in with friends for once. Especially after all the drama that's been going on in my life recently.

The movie begins, bringing me back to the vicious world of high school. Before long I become very aware of how close Connor and I are snuggled. If I just moved, just an inch, I could lean against him for the second time this week.

My heart starts beating a bit faster. This is ridiculous. Connor is my friend. Nothing more.

My mind drifts back to the night I got back from the hospital. Connor and I were sitting next to each other in the yard, staring up at the cars. He was crying, I was frustrated with my memory, yet somehow I ended up falling asleep on him. His smell is the same as that night, a gentle pine scent with a touch of mint.

Instead of watching the movie, I'm watching the beautiful boy beside me.
His eyes flicking over the screen, their green pools reflecting the scenes he's watching. His hair, light brown and poofy, every strand placed perfectly on his head. He told me he used to style it in a quiff, but like me, he gave it up. I can't imagine Connor with a quiff without laughing.

After a while, I turn my eyes back to the movie, and oh-so-slowly move that one inch.

Our arms are touching. I doubt he notices, it's not like it would mean anything to him. We've probably touched millions of times before, but to me, everything is new. His warmth spreads inside me and my mouth twitches into a smile.

I use Nutella as an excuse to press into him just a bit more, grabbing it from the table and leaning back a bit closer than I was.

I've never felt like this with someone before. I've never put so much thought into every little movement, every little touch. Just being with him is making me happy.

He doesn't move, and neither do I.

Soon enough, I notice Connor's eyes start to droop. It's almost midnight...he must not be as much of an Internet kid as me.

I won't be tired for a few more hours, at least.

I hold my breath as his slows, and I feel like screaming as his head slowly tilts, then falls to rest on my shoulder.

Just like I fell asleep on him a few nights ago, now he's asleep on me. Our faces are so close, they're almost touching. Our bodies are snuggled into each other, and every second is bittersweet.

I shouldn't be like this.

I can't have a crush on him. Can I?

I don't even remember who he is! I don't even know if he's single! I run a hand through my curls in frustration. I'm his best friend, and he was mine. He's becoming mine again. But what if I never remember? What if when I look at him, I only see this mysterious beauty that puts all his trust in me because of who I used to be?

What if I'm not the same boy I was before?

Connor is friends with the Troye before the accident. That's the Troye who he trusts, who he knows.

I'm not that Troye.

+++

"Tro Tro! Wake up!" A whisper is close to my ear. Connor's whisper. Suddenly I remember our little movie night, and cuddling to sleep together. Becoming very aware of our position, with his head on my chest and my arms hugging him to me, I groan.

My face burning and eyes still half closed, I attempt to roll over, and end up taking both of us into the floor. I'm on top of him, my hands on the carpet on either side of his head acting as the only thing preventing us from kissing.

Our eyes meet for a few long moments. I realize that I want to kiss him. I want to be more than friends.

But he coughs awkwardly and rolls away, my fantasy crumbling to pieces. Blushing, we both stand and after a long pause Connor starts to giggle.

Confused, it just makes me more embarrassed. Is he laughing at me? At the idea of us being together?

"Tro Tro, you knocked me over!"

"Sorry..." I mumble, still confused, embarrassed, and kind of frustrated.

"We almost bumped noses," he laughs, and I realize that the idea of us must have never popped into his head. He's probably never thought about me in a romantic way. And I shouldn't, either. I should focus on remembering, on becoming what we used to be, not on how the thought of how his lips pressed against mine sounds so right....

"Yeah," I force out a chuckle.

"Almost."