Tronnor - For Him

17

I click replay. Again. Biting my lip so hard I taste blood, I watch that one section again and again on Alfie's wedding vlog.

In the background you can clearly see Connor, beating up Caspar mercilessly. It's only for a few seconds, but you can't see the kiss or the part where I drag my boyfriend off of my ex and call for Joe's help. You can't see his guilt expression and the hurt look in his eyes. All you can see is the violence.

The comment section is in an uproar. Of course there's some that didn't notice and are just congratulating Alfie and Zoe or squealing over cute Zalfie moments, but a good portion of the comments are about Connor.

At 7:21 Connor Franta is punching someone????

why tf is Connor practically murdering my bby Caspar at 7:20??

always knew he was a bitch. 7:21.

my poor lil casp at 7:23!! WHAT DID CASPAR EVER DO TO YOU CONNOR >:(

Connors an ugly selfish jerk and now we have proof

WHAT IS WRONG WITH U CONNOR YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE FRIENDS

They hate him. No, no, no! This is my fault! I have to fix this...

But I think it's too late.

I call Alfie quickly, my fingers shaking. "Alfie! Take down your vlog now! Fuck, this is all my fault, I'm a fucking idiot, oh my god just take it down!" I sob into the phone.

On the other side, Alfie sounds extremely confused. "Dude, what are you talking about? What's wrong? I'm taking it down now, but what is going on?"

"Connor is in the background punching Caspar! Don't ask why just please, delete it!"

"Shit, what? I took it down, it's gone...it's going to be okay man. Relax."

"NO IT'S NOT! I'VE FUCKING RUINED MY BOYFRIEND'S ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE!" I scream into the phone.

"Why was Connor punching Caspar? What is going on?" Before he can ask any more questions, Connor comes out of the shower only wearing a towel and looking very worried.

I hang up immediately, completely ignoring Alfie's confusion. Normally I would be busy staring at my hot boyfriend, and okay maybe I am staring at him, but my thoughts are somewhere else.

"Troye, what is wrong? I heard you yelling!" Connor asks, confused.

"Um...well...you kinda got caught punching Caspar in Alfie's vlog and now all the fans are freaking out..."

His face whitens. "What?"

"I'm so sorry Connor! This is all my fault!"

"Shut up Troye, no it isn't. Wait, so all they saw is me b-beating him up?" His voice breaks and he pauses before whispering, "Everyone probably knows by now. They probably all hate me."

"Fuck, I'm so sorry Connor, I've ruined your entire life-"

"For the last time, this isn't your fault! God, but why didn't you just tell me?" His voice softens. "If I had known that you and Caspar used to date...if I had known how he used you for sex and abused you..."

He leans over, still wet and wearing just a towel, and hugs me tightly.

"Whatever happens now is not your fault. I did punch him, and I will just have to face the consequences."

Connor tweets out, "I've made a mistake, but u only know half of the story. Pls wait to judge until u know what rlly happened. Ily all and I'm sorry."

+++

As we get back to Connor's house, I mean, our house, we begin to worry.

If Caspar wasn't friends with everyone, it would be so much easier. But Connor can't explain in a video without naming him, and even I know that isn't right.

"What are we going to do?" Connor grumbles, his head in his hands. "The longer we wait, the more everyone hates me."

I take a deep breath. "I-I have an idea. Don't worry. I'll make this right."

"Troye..."

"It's okay, I can do this. I need to do this. Not just for you, but for me. I'm going to talk to Caspar."

+++

We were together for a year. The worst year of my life. Before I even met Connor.

I was depressed when he found me. I was covered in scars and self harm was the only thing I knew. But he said he loved me, he wanted me, and I thought I needed him to survive.

After a while, he became more careless with me, throwing me around and yelling at me a lot. He was angry that I was still cutting, he thought it meant I didn't love him and so he hurt me for it. I didn't really mind, as long as I had someone I thought the pain was worth it.

Then he began to take out his anger in bed. He would call me up when he was angry or horny and order me to come over, and I wouldn't dare disobey. Then he would make me strip and force me to do things that I cringe to even think about. Things that haunted my nightmares for days.

I thought I deserved it. In my mind, I wasn't strong enough to stop cutting, so Caspar was just hurting me to make me stronger.

One day, he caught me in the bathroom, sobbing with the razor blade held to my arm. And that was it. He had ordered me not to cut and I disobeyed, so he thought I didn't love him. So he left me.

We hadn't talked since then. No one else had a clue, since Caspar called me his "dirty little secret" so he didn't tell anyone.

I watch his videos every now and then, and like me, he seems to be in a much better place. He seems kind and happy, like he was before he found out about my self harm.

I think he's changed. But after the wedding yesterday, I'm not so sure.

I meet him in his apartment, since Joe isn't here.

"Hello Troye." He laughs sadly. "We need to talk."