Tronnor - For Him

12

"PARTAYYY!" Caspar shouts, drunk as fuck like the rest of us. My mind drifts to the past, the sharp pain as he hit me again and again, mercilessly. Maybe he's changed.

Shit, where did Connor go? He's my ride home, since he decided he wasn't going to drink tonight.

I have to find him. My head is throbbing in pain, and I can hardly walk. Joe and Caspar's party was a bit too successful, and I'm more than ready to go home and sleep.

"Zoeeee, do ya know where Connn is?"

"I dunno, check upstairs."

I make my way to the second floor, stumbling on every step. When I'm finally upstairs, I have to wait a few moments due to being lightheaded before I can continue looking.

"Hello? Connie? Are ya up here?"

Passing the bathroom and the distinct sound of someone throwing up, I knock on the second door, opening it after no reply.

After a few glances around, I'm sure it's empty and I move to the next room.

"Hello...Connorr?" I turn the doorknob without bothering to knock, due to the fact that by now I'm kind of impatient and in a rush to get home.

The door opens and immediately my heart sinks as my eyes fall on two familiar boys, making out vigorously on the bed.

Connor's shirt is off, his hair sticking up in all directions. He's covered in a thin layer of sweat, his eyes closed as he moans softly.

On top of him is none other than Tyler Oakley. Shirtless as well, the boy's hands are feeling Connor's bare chest freely. Tyler's practically eating Connor's face off. Their lips are smashed together, their tongues exploring each other's mouths.

My fingers clench into fists as I see Connor's fingers tangled in someone else's hair, his body in someone else's arms.

I watch in shock, frozen and unable to function as the fact that my Connor is making out with another boy begins to sink in. Another boy, who happens to be my best friend.

He's mine. MINE. Not Tyler's. I'm the one who would go to the end of the world for him , I'm the one who will treat him like the god he is. Tyler can fuck off, this is the love of my life we're talking about. And I'm not standing by as someone else shoves his tongue down his throat.

"TYLER! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?" The boys' lips jerk apart immediately, and they stare at me in shock.

Connor's gaze immediately fills with regret. "Troye, oh my god, wait I can explain-"

"I don't think that will be necessary, Connor. It's pretty obvious what's going on here." As the words leave my lips, my vision becomes blurry and I glare at the floor as a tear falls down my cheek. Then another.

"Troye, please, wait, it's not what it looks like!" Connor frantically pushes Tyler off of him, yanking on his shirt and tumbling off the bed, running up next to me and meeting my eyes. Looking confused, Tyler slips his shirt on as well and runs a hand through his hair in frustration, still on the bed.

"It's exactly what it looks like! I'M NOT AN IDIOT, CONNOR! YOU CAN'T JUST PLAY WITH MY FEELINGS LIKE THIS! I TOLD YOU I LOVED YOU! FUCK, I DO LOVE YOU! I'VE ALWAYS LOVED YOU!

"I CAN'T HELP IT, AND I KNOW YOU DON'T WANT TO BE WITH ME AND I KNOW IM RUINING OUR FRIENDSHIP, BUT FUCK IT! I CAN'T FUCKING HANDLE ONE MORE SECOND WITHOUT YOU, I CAN'T HANDLE SEEING YOU WITH ANOTHER GUY! Because I love you! I fucking love you. And I want to be able to say that you're mine."

Both Connor and Tyler stare at me in complete and utter shock.

"Troye, I thought you weren't ready to be in a relationship. I-I thought I was pressuring you into it, and I didn't want to get involved with a boy who wasn't out. But..." His gaze darts to my lips, and he takes a step forward, so close that I can feel his breath.

"You're worth it. You're so fucking worth it."

I would have kissed him, I would have taken him into my arms and made him mine, but just then, Tyler began to talk. His voice was low, livid...broken.

"I-I c-can't believe I asked for your advice. T-Troye, you knew I liked Connor, you f-fucking told me I had a chance! Yet you get angry when I go after him? What the fuck is wrong with you? That's...That's not what a friend does."

Bewildered, Connor steps away from me, looking between Tyler and me in shock.

He looks into my eyes one more time, whispering, "Is that true? Did you tell Tyler he had a chance, and then you got angry when I kissed him?"

The tears begin to fall faster as I tear my eyes away from his disappointed gaze, nodding my head slowly.

"Troye, I really like you, but Tyler's my friend too. You can't-"

I can't handle listening to one more word they say. I turn my back and run, slamming the door behind me and choking back sobs. Without looking back, I tear through Joe and Caspar's apartment, looking for some place I can be alone. Slipping out the door and away from all the people, I find my way outside and keep running.

Why do I always have to screw everything up? Now my entire world is shattering around me, and of course it's my mistake.

Everyone hates me. I've been a horrible friend to Tyler, I've toyed with Connor's feelings, and the two guys I can't live without are probably kissing each other at this very moment, my last chance of being with Connor destroyed in a heartbeat.

At last, I get tired, and I find a bench to lay down on. It's late, probably 1 am, and it's dark and cold and I hate running. Not to mention I'm still drunk, with the worst headache.

Tears soaking my face and my jumper, I rest my check against the cold metal of the bench and try to fall asleep. Alone.