Tronnor - For Him

11

It's time. I'm going to tell my family.

I wanted to come out to them before my friends, but my plans were all ruined after the party.

They're all sitting on the couch, looking up at me expectantly. I take a deep breath, looking first into the eyes of my siblings, then my father, and finally letting them rest on my mum. Clearing my throat, my gaze darts to the floor, fumbling with the bottom of my shirt.

I open my mouth to speak, but my voice cracks immediately. I try again, my heart beating as I mumble, "Um...so...I wanted to tell you...I'm...uh...I'm gay."

My brothers stare at me in shock but Mum stands to give me a big hug. "Okay, Troye. It's all the same to us. We still love you, no matter what."

As Mum lets go, Sage's arms replace her. "Troye, I'm so proud of you."

One by one my family members hug me, and then it's over, I've done it, they know.

I sigh in relief.

"So are you dating anyone?"

I smile genuinely. They don't care about the details. They don't give a fuck what gender I'm attracted to. My loving family just wants to know the bigger picture.

"No...but..."

"Oh my god you like someone! Who is it? Who's the lucky boy?" Sage exclaims excitedly.

"Uh...he..."

"It's Tyler, isn't it?" Tyde smirks. My smile falters.

"No! It's not Tyler."

"Oh then who is it? Don't tell me they're straight."

"Kids, give Troye a break! You don't need to know this." Thanks Dad. At least someone understands the concept of privacy.

"Oh my god, is it Connor?"

Silence. My face flushes red.

"Oh my god oh my god it is! Connor and Troye! Oh you two are going to be so cute together!" Mum squeals happily.

"Shut up you guys, he doesn't even like me."

"Oh of course he does. Who wouldn't like Troye Mellet? Oh my god, we should invite him to dinner. Maybe you two just need a little push."

+++

"So Connor, how has your Common Culture thing been doing? I'm in love with your taste of music," Mum gushes from across the table. While Steele couldn't be here and my dad had work to do, the rest of my family is staring expectantly at Connor and me.

Next to me, Connor hasn't even had time to touch his food. They've been keeping him talking. Although they've known him for a year, my family suddenly has a new found interest in his life.

"Oh, thanks, I'm actually really proud of how everything is turning out. People are really liking the brand. And I just feel so lucky that I can work in the music industry, despite the fact I can't sing. Troye, on the other hand..."

"Ugh, Con, stop-" My already blushing face becomes an even brighter shade of red, and I hide behind my hands as Tyde laughs.

"I'm being serious! Your voice is amazing. And I have no idea how you come up with those lyrics, they're so raw and meaningful."

"Shut up, Connor, all I do is music and YouTube. You have YouTube, plus your own brand! Coffee, clothes, and of course those music compilations. Not to mention you wrote a book. I can't compare to that."

Mum is grinning widely. "Both of you, enough. You are insanely talented, handsome young men in your own ways. Connor, you're practically a part of this family. We're not just proud of Troye, we're proud of you."

"Aw, thank you. You guys should really meet my family! I'm sure you would get along great. Troye and I are so close, it's strange our families haven't all met each other."

"That's a great idea!"

Dinner continues for a while. I stay silent mostly, just listening to Connor gush about his upcoming projects. His voice is so soothing. Finally, Sage and Tyde excuse themselves, and Mum ushers us upstairs, to my old room. She says she needs to clean up and everything, but of course it's just an excuse to get us alone in the same room.

"I guess you've never actually been in my childhood room, huh? Well, welcome to what's left of teenage Troye's world."

Connor chuckles. "I like it. The dark blue walls are a nice touch. I guess even as a child you lived in a blue neighborhood."

The words sink into my mind, drawing out thoughts that hadn't dared to venture out for a while.

It's silent, except for our steady breathing. In, out, in, out. Soon we fall into sync.

We sit on the bed, our arms only just touching, looking out the window. The view is so familiar. So, so much has changed in the last few years. I almost wish I could go back to the basics, and this simple life that I led during my youth.

But no. That was a dark time. My old home is like suburbia, it's supposed to be peaceful and carefree. I shouldn't be thinking of those troubles. Those long nights, wide awake, staring at the ceiling and wondering why I couldn't just be like the other boys...I glance at the familiar stain on the carpet. It's almost shaped like a heart, despite the irony. The stain is faint, and you wouldn't know it was blood unless you'd seen it happen.

*slight trigger warning*

I stiffen as the images drift into my mind, the glimmer of the razor as it sunk into my flesh, again and again, the blood dripping freely down my thin, pale arm and falling to the carpet, sinking in to be left there forever.

My blue neighborhood seemed to be so wonderful, but sometimes, I felt like it was a prison.

"I still do," I whisper, finally realizing that even after all this time, I'm the same Troye. The same fears still haunt me, the same demons in my head.

The only thing that has changed is Connor. Connor Franta, the boy who saved me without even realizing it. I turn to look into his emerald gaze, my worries fading away as I drift into the comfort that just being with him provides.

Maybe I'm still in the blue neighborhood. But Connor has left, he's free, and calling to me from the other side. I'm packing up, saying my goodbyes, counting down the days.

Until I, too, leave my blue neighborhood.

Some people call it the closet.