Tronnor - For Him

9

"-and I'm just so fucking sorry and I feel like it's my fault. And I should have said it back, I really should have. I...I just can't yet. I don't know. If this is love, it's horrible and painful and I'd never want it. But...I want you. And I know you'll never hear this...I...I just needed to say it. Just once."

Without opening my eyes, I know it's Connor's voice that's quietly mumbling, I know it's his lap that my head is rested in, and I know it's his fingers that are twisting my curls and gently playing with my hair.

My head hurts. Letting out a sigh, I open my eyes, staring up dreamily into Connor's surprised expression.

"Hi Connie." I smile, letting out a giggle.

"Hi Tro Tro."

We stare into each other's eyes for a while, in comfortable silence.

"How long was I passed out?"

Connor frowns. "About half an hour. Everyone else has left, and Zoe and Alfie are probably asleep by now."

"So it's just us?"

He smirks. "Just us."

I spend a few more minutes, laying comfortably in his lap and staring up at the breathtaking boy above me. After a while, I sigh and sit up.

"Are you okay, Troye? All we saw was Tyler talking and then you turned kinda green and passed out."

"I dunno. He was talking about being disappointed that I didn't tell him, and it felt like he was angry and hated me and I kinda lost control and had a panic attack. I haven't had one of those in a long time, but I wasn't able to control my breathing this time and I passed out."

He nods understandingly. "Y-you know what you said before? Outside...after we...after we kissed, I mean. That...that you love me? Is that true?"

I run a hand through my hair, groaning. "I don't know. I don't know. I guess I was just caught up in the moment."

His face falls, and he looks embarrassed. "D-do you like me?"

I lean forward, nestling my head into his shoulder. "Do you think I would kiss you if I didn't? Come on, Connie, I'm not that kind of guy."

He grins happily. "I like you too, Troye Boy."

My heart glows. I've never had someone return my feelings before. Although, I haven't ever felt this way before.

"What did they say about me? Did you tell them anything when I was in the bathroom?"

"Troye, relax. Everyone's completely accepting. Tyler is the only one who was even slightly disappointed that you didn't tell him. And I didn't tell them anything."

Thank god.

"D-do you think they'll be able to keep it a secret from the fans?"

He kisses my forehead gently. "We'll all try our best. Don't worry. I won't let you get outed again."

"Connor?" I sit up so I can look in his eyes.

"Yeah?"

"Wanna go on a date with me?"

He smirks. "Hmm, I dunno Troye boy."

"Come on, you know you want to."

"Maybe I need a little...convincing."

"I can arrange that," I whisper, my eyes focused on his lips. We lean forward and our eyes close as we kiss for the third time today.

This time we're both sober, so it's much less sloppy and just gentle and sweet. He smiles into the kiss, moving his lips against mine and cupping my face in his hands. His warmth spreads through me like fire, lighting up every part of me and filling it with warmth.

We pull away after a few moments.

"Okay, Troye. When is this date gonna be?"

+++

I'm definitely not romantic. I should have left this to Connor. He should be the one planning this thing. This is not going to turn out well.

I've decided we should get sushi, seeing as Connor always loves that. After getting us reservations at the fanciest restaurant I could find, I decide that we should do something else as well.

Connor is a romantic, but he also appreciates simple things. Our last stop of the date will be a surprise.

Shit, it's already 6. I'm picking Connor up at 6:30.

I literally have nothing to wear. Tearing through my closet, I search frantically for a shirt that's not too fancy, but still looks nice. I don't want to look like I'm trying too hard, but I don't want to look like I'm not trying at all, either.

I'm wearing my only pair of jeans, of course, and my signature Women's platform Converse sneakers. No matter what people say, I think those shoes look good on me.

For my shirt, I finally decide on a gray American flag jumper that I don't remember buying. I like how it looks, though, and it's soft, so I pull it on.

After spraying my hair with sea salt spray, I'm ready to go.

+++

I ring Connor's doorbell again and again like a child, until he finally opens up.

He's gorgeous, as always, and is wearing a nice dark blue sweater and black jeans. On his head is a knitted gray beanie that looks absolutely adorable on him.

The first thing he says is, "Troye, that's my shirt."

Blushing, I look down at the jumper I have on. "It is? I didn't know..."

He laughs warmly. "It's fine! I must have left it at your house one of the times I stayed over..." His smile falters. "I guess you wouldn't remember."

Shaking away his thoughts, Connor smirks as I reach for his hand and lead him to my car.

"So, where are we going?"

"Well, I thought since you love sushi so much, we'll go to the big fancy restaurant on my street."

"Aw, that's a great idea! Um, are you worried about any fans seeing us together? I don't want to out you again..."

I hadn't thought of that. I'm definitely not ready for my fans to know.

"Oh..."

Connor gives me a reassuring smile, but I'm still worried. "I'm sure it'll be fine. What's the worst that could happen?"